Bouncing forward - can we do this?
There is this expectation that after treatment, we will bounce back and be our old selves again. Of course, anyone who has been affected by cancer or knows someone who has been affected, realises it'...
Forum Discussion
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments. I started thinking about this after the webinar on managing cognitive changes. A few people were commenting that they get remarks from people (colleagues, friends, acquaintances) like, "oh you look well, you must be back to normal now" or "you don't look sick" or "looks like you're no longer worried about stuff".
I guess I wanted to be able to find something to say to these kinds of well-meaning comments. "Thanks for your compliment. Yes, I feel I have been resilient and I am now <insert phrase here> in a life that is different and still has some challenges. Although I look better, I still have difficulties with xyz."
I suppose the word bouncing does have positive connotations but have you ever dropped a bowling ball and seen that bounce compared to a little ping pong ball zinging around? There's quite a difference.
Like @Cath62 said, some people feel the phrase "new normal" is like resignation to something that is unchangeable and you just have to put up with it. I guess I wanted people to feel like maybe there is one little positive to think about.
If you've ever looked into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there's a lot of focus on radical acceptance and what that does and doesn't mean. Radical acceptance is accepting your situation right now. You don't have to like it, you can hate it, be frustrated by it, but you understand it is what it is. But it's not resignation, it's not defeatism and saying, well that's it. Nothing I can do about it now, just resign myself to my fate. And once you accept your situation, you can then look at what can be done to change it. Maybe I'll go for a 5 minute walk today? And tomorrow, your radical acceptance will be of a life that consisted of a 5 minute walk that wasn't there 2 days ago. Anyway, that's too complicated for me to explain properly. If anyone is interested, a book called The Happiness Trap by Russell Harris is an easy to read overview of ACT.
Everyone is different after diagnosis and treatment. And yes, it's a hard slog for most people with awful life changes and terrible side effects and consequences. And then there are people like @Afraser who bulldoze their way through the process and don't let anything stop them.
I had the luxury of being able to take time off work and use income protection insurance to help with covering daily expenses. I used AIs for about 18 months and had to give them up because I just couldn't handle the side effects. I wasn't strong enough to battle through for 10 years like most people on this board. And now my life is a lot like it was before bc - wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed. I just have a couple more scars to add to my existing collection and radiation tattoos as decoration. I feel like my body is a Snakes and Ladders board :smile: Find a scar, go back 3 places.
So if the phrase bouncing forward isn't right and some people don't like the new normal, is there something else we can say?
I guess I wanted to be able to find something to say to these kinds of well-meaning comments. "Thanks for your compliment. Yes, I feel I have been resilient and I am now <insert phrase here> in a life that is different and still has some challenges. Although I look better, I still have difficulties with xyz."
I suppose the word bouncing does have positive connotations but have you ever dropped a bowling ball and seen that bounce compared to a little ping pong ball zinging around? There's quite a difference.
Like @Cath62 said, some people feel the phrase "new normal" is like resignation to something that is unchangeable and you just have to put up with it. I guess I wanted people to feel like maybe there is one little positive to think about.
If you've ever looked into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there's a lot of focus on radical acceptance and what that does and doesn't mean. Radical acceptance is accepting your situation right now. You don't have to like it, you can hate it, be frustrated by it, but you understand it is what it is. But it's not resignation, it's not defeatism and saying, well that's it. Nothing I can do about it now, just resign myself to my fate. And once you accept your situation, you can then look at what can be done to change it. Maybe I'll go for a 5 minute walk today? And tomorrow, your radical acceptance will be of a life that consisted of a 5 minute walk that wasn't there 2 days ago. Anyway, that's too complicated for me to explain properly. If anyone is interested, a book called The Happiness Trap by Russell Harris is an easy to read overview of ACT.
Everyone is different after diagnosis and treatment. And yes, it's a hard slog for most people with awful life changes and terrible side effects and consequences. And then there are people like @Afraser who bulldoze their way through the process and don't let anything stop them.
I had the luxury of being able to take time off work and use income protection insurance to help with covering daily expenses. I used AIs for about 18 months and had to give them up because I just couldn't handle the side effects. I wasn't strong enough to battle through for 10 years like most people on this board. And now my life is a lot like it was before bc - wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed. I just have a couple more scars to add to my existing collection and radiation tattoos as decoration. I feel like my body is a Snakes and Ladders board :smile: Find a scar, go back 3 places.
So if the phrase bouncing forward isn't right and some people don't like the new normal, is there something else we can say?