Forum Discussion

MichelleNSW's avatar
10 years ago

Feeling apprehensive

Hi everyone, 

Today I go for my final Herceptin. It has been a long 18 months but its finally here, My concern is why do I feel so apprehensive and why am I crying when I have been so positive throughout this? I know I'm still on Tamoxifen but I feel like I have had this insurance policy and now I'm not covered anymore. I hope these feelings ease with time. 

8 Replies

  • Thanks for reKath, I see my Oncologist again next month and will tell her too but am feeling much better now??

  • Hi Karen thanks for replying it makes me feel so much better knowing others felt the same as me. 18 months is a long time and I suppose it is a big adjustment. The fear of it returning is very real also but I am feeling much more positive now though, thanks again??

  • Thanks for replying Afraser, what good advice your Oncologist gave. That is exactly how I felt. 

    I do work and have throughout my treatment so am pretty busy at least.

    After I finished treatment on Friday though I felt much better ??

  • Thanks for replying Brenda I have been on Tamoxifen since last July and have coped pretty well but I think it was a culmination of finishing the other treatments ??

  • I believe this is very normal. You are moving into a new phase and all change is stressful. If things don't  improve please be open to a counselor as it really might help. Congratulations on stepping into your new journey...cancer free. Kath x

  • Hi Michelle,

    i felt the same way when my 16 months of treatment finished. Your all of a sudden on your own and it's a bit scary. I also felt a sense of loss. The nurses and other patients who I had spent so much time with and had become friends with, that was all coming to an end. They all "Got it". For me it was like a a grieving process. Sounds stupid doesn't it. You think I would have been doing. Art wheels down the hall as I left but that's not how it felt at all. It actually felt lonely and scary. Also too, you can breathe now! It's over. You have time to acknowledge what you have been through and realise how serious things were. You've spent so much time being positive and now you don't have to anymore and the tears have started. It's such a mix of all different emotions for many of us. Just go with it and allow the tears. It's good to get it out. All the best, Karen xox

  • It's very understandable. We all adapt, sometimes in ways we don't fully realise. You have been head down, doing the treatment, concentrating on the here and now, and suddenly it seems like there isn't any here and now any more.

    My oncologist warned me I may feel like this after my last Herceptin - I didn't but what he said made a lot of sense.

    You are in for (sorry!) another period of readjustment. This is a good one - it's readjusting to NOT having treatment, not looking for a vein, not having a diary full of appointments (well, not so full of medical ones anyway).  You may feel a bit adrift for a while as you establish new routines. If you work, that may help. If not, now is a really good time to establish some new must -do's - go to the gym, walk the dog, take up a hobby, make lunch dates with friends.

    Your anxiety is about not battling - but you really have earned a break. The feelings will ease, and then you can enjoy what the last 18 months has all been for - feeling you are better and that cancer is behind you.

    very best wishes

  • There are time limits for any meds as your kidneys, heart and liver have to cope with them all and its not easy.

    Tamoxifen can add depression so perhaps that's all the tears are about. Just take things day by day, week by week and see how you go. There are alternatives to tamoxifen but its usually the first hormone therapy the doctors like to start you on for a while.