why me

I was diagnosed last October at 28, I was living and working overseas with my South African partner. I had to come back to Aus for treatment and leave my partner behind as he cannot get a visa to come here just yet. Nearly 10 months later and I am still not finished treatment - but now I find I am the most emotional. I cry my little heart out in the shower some days, and for many I am fine. I have days where I'm angry, confused, and grateful. It is completely normal to experience the whole range of emotions, and there is no right feeling or timing.

It makes perfect sense, even now I find that though there are people who can relate here it's a very lonely journey. This place helps take the edge off. <3 I'm so happy to hear your head has settled!

Thanks all after seeing the surgeon and breast care nurse am some what settled after everything was explained to me and we sat down as a family and made a plan ??.

The mastectomy am slowy coming to terms with going to be stronger than ever after it all.

Was just information overload last tuesday and spent most of the week in tears everytime i looked at the kids etc.

So glad i was told about this group getting my feelings out does somewhat help and my green tea.

Thank you all who have commented on this even though heaps are in the same spot as me atm on tuesday i felt i was the only one if that makes sence was very angry but now both feet are on the ground so to speak ????????????????

Hi Sam,

I was 37 when diagnosed (just turned 38) with 3 children and felt exactly the same as you.  Wanted to cry in most moments of the day, whether it be talking it through with someone, or just looking at my gorgeous kids.

I have had my mastectomy surgery now and just had my first round of 6 months of chemo this week to be followed by radio.  I shaved my head this morning proactively - which was a great move for me and made me feel somewhat empowered!

All I can say is that the teary moments will get less and you will find strength from somewhere to get yourself through it, hard as it will be, you can do it.  Hang in there.  There are lots of us out there doing it too...lean on us whenever you need.

Meg x

I'm so so sorry, I know that rollercoaster well. I'm 28, no kids (going through Zoladex jabs every 4 weeks to try and preserve my fertility) and have just finished my 6 chemo cycles and am awaiting my op. The first few chemo sessions I found hard, and I was very emotional, but I found it got easier. It's never 'normal' but you begin to get accustomed (best way I can think to put it) to living in this cancer bubble. The sheer joy I felt at finishing chemo was immense, and you will get there, that day will happen. 

Lean on whoever you feel able to and comfortable with. At the beginning I had a kind of 'good things that have happened' journal that I'd write in each day so that I was focusing on the good things going on, no matter how small they seemed. It's great that you've got a psychologist, I really found that helped too.

Just be kind to yourself, and make time for yourself. It's hard but you can get through this, you are stronger than you think, and there are people here who will always listen and understand. 

Thinking of you x

Thanks for jumping in to share your experience Caitlin x

Thanks for sharing your story Aimee x

Hi Sam my names Aimee I'm 33 and was diagnosed just over a month ago. I found my life changing lump whilst breast feeding my 8 month old daughter around Christmas time. After a rushed Ivf egg freezing cycle for the potential of a sibling for our little girl I started chemo last week. And I'm with you on the emotional roller coaster. I go from being completely fine to a ball of tear in 30 seconds. And funnily enough the tears never come when I expect them to. Like today I got my long hair cut short in prep for the hair loss chemo is going to bring and I thought I would ball but was fine, yet other moments I think I'm going to be fine and I end up blubbering at a complete stranger.

All I can say is that it is getting better and the tears are less frequent and hopefully this happens for you too! I have found spending quality time as a family with my husband and daughter for special lunches by the beach or a day out in the country have helped. As well as forums like this one and a young women with breast cancer Facebook group I've joined which make me feel less alone in this journey.

Wishing you well on your treatment journey! ??

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Your emotions will be all over the place at the moment as it's so new, I think it's completely normal to feel like that but it certainly will pass. I am 29 & was diagnosed in August last year. I found the first month or so post diagnosis the hardest but once I had my treatment plan in place I coped a lot better. You feel more in control once you know exactly what you need to do. Now I've only got 2 chemo sessions left & I haven't had a cry in months!

Hang in there & I hope all goes well with the surgeon today.

Caitlin ??

You know, I don't think I've asked myself the "Why me?" question. There's nothing anyone can do to prevent it or to cause it, so it's just a random luck thing as far as current science knows. I think I've been coping that way by looking at the one in eight women statistic. If I stood with seven of my friends, which one of them should have statistically ended up with cancer instead of me? None of course, always. It's silly and statistics certainly don't work that way but for some reason it's comforting, as if my being that statistic in some way protects them.

Yes, the hyper-reactions will pass. As time goes by you'll adapt and adjust to focusing on the next step instead of being overwhelmed by everything at once. If you look weeks ahead on your path it can be like torturing yourself. It was only after I started scheduling and looking only at two or three days at a time at most that my migraines went away. I still have overemotional spurts and moods but at six weeks after diagnosis I'm emotionally usual with only slightly agitated stress levels and occasional blue day.

I don't have any children. I'm 31 and was planning them with my partner, but now due to the highly hormonal-receptive nature of my cancer and needing chemotherapy I may never have any, but I know that if I were in your situation I'd be worried about my children all the time. How are they going to cope without me, what will happen to them if I'm not around. There are things you can do to make that constant nagging voice calm down. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Sort out guardians/godparents, update/create your will, work on and organise anything you are worried about being left in the air or unresolved to get them off your mind. I'd probably be worried by the absolute worst case scenario that my kids would miss out on "knowing" me. If that's on your mind, start a private video blog. Talk about yourself, yammer on about everything. Then it's there for them and it's something you don't have to have to think about.

This is probably a wall of text to you right now - just do things proactively to address the things causing you to stress, making your emotions feel out of control. There are reigns on this crazy sleigh-ride and you can take them.

I hope your surgical consultation goes well today. Take a notepad and pen and write everything down. You're strong enough to make it through this step. Let us know how it goes. xo

Rebecca