You know, I don't think I've asked myself the "Why me?" question. There's nothing anyone can do to prevent it or to cause it, so it's just a random luck thing as far as current science knows. I think I've been coping that way by looking at the one in eight women statistic. If I stood with seven of my friends, which one of them should have statistically ended up with cancer instead of me? None of course, always. It's silly and statistics certainly don't work that way but for some reason it's comforting, as if my being that statistic in some way protects them.
Yes, the hyper-reactions will pass. As time goes by you'll adapt and adjust to focusing on the next step instead of being overwhelmed by everything at once. If you look weeks ahead on your path it can be like torturing yourself. It was only after I started scheduling and looking only at two or three days at a time at most that my migraines went away. I still have overemotional spurts and moods but at six weeks after diagnosis I'm emotionally usual with only slightly agitated stress levels and occasional blue day.
I don't have any children. I'm 31 and was planning them with my partner, but now due to the highly hormonal-receptive nature of my cancer and needing chemotherapy I may never have any, but I know that if I were in your situation I'd be worried about my children all the time. How are they going to cope without me, what will happen to them if I'm not around. There are things you can do to make that constant nagging voice calm down. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Sort out guardians/godparents, update/create your will, work on and organise anything you are worried about being left in the air or unresolved to get them off your mind. I'd probably be worried by the absolute worst case scenario that my kids would miss out on "knowing" me. If that's on your mind, start a private video blog. Talk about yourself, yammer on about everything. Then it's there for them and it's something you don't have to have to think about.
This is probably a wall of text to you right now - just do things proactively to address the things causing you to stress, making your emotions feel out of control. There are reigns on this crazy sleigh-ride and you can take them.
I hope your surgical consultation goes well today. Take a notepad and pen and write everything down. You're strong enough to make it through this step. Let us know how it goes. xo
Rebecca