Hi @BeG it’s totally understandable and ok to have all those feelings- no need to be sorry for a rant 🌻it can feel daunting.
I found out that my stamina would eventually return and I looked forward to that peak. I have had to adapt the expectations of myself and prioritise the treatment (my next one is treatment number 13).
I also found a physiotherapy oncology exercise program gave me focus and they ran “education” sessions so we would have a more holistic understanding of what we are experiencing. Might be worth asking your oncologist to refer you.