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Maggiemaw's avatar
Maggiemaw
Member
11 years ago

What is this "thing"

What is this “thing” – this “thing” that came into my life; unexpected, unbidden, certainly unwelcome 21 years ago and gave my body no choice in becoming its’ host; also inhabiting my mind, and every aspect of my life ever since.  It has a name of course but I don’t want to acknowledge it at this time.

Once it inhabited my body, my doctors did everything they could to eradicate it and even though it took a part of my body, I was hopeful that the “thing” had gone to the incinerator with that infected part of my body.  Eventually, life returned to normality but I felt this “thing” was silently sitting on my shoulder, waiting, waiting, for an opportune time to rear its’ ugly head once more.

The “thing” lay dormant for 10 years never allowing me to totally forget that it was most likely laying in wait.  Of course all of the monitoring of the “thing” by the doctors never allows one to completely forget about the “thing”.

Ten long years of half-expecting the arrival of the “thing” – then it finally showed up – once again unbidden and unwelcome.  Somehow the “thing” had decided that its’ host was ready for its’ reappearance.  The doctors once again tried their very best to show it the exit door and once again it went to sleep; this time for six years.  By now the “thing” had taken its’ host to the next level in its’ journey and so the “thing’s ” return was inevitable.  The “thing”’s aim was to take its’ host to the end of its’ life, no matter how long it took.  The “thing” then settled into the host’s liver and began to grow inexorably; all the time being slowed by the drugs entering the host’s body – but the “thing” fought hard and refused to lie down and die.  The “thing” increased its’ size until a new drug was introduced; once again causing it to take notice and slow down and rest awhile.

In the meantime, while this battle continues to rage in the host, the “thing” has caused collateral damage to other parts of the host’s body in the many skirmishes on its’ journey and while the “thing” thinks it has won; so too does the host by continuing to live and breathe.  No doubt the “thing” will ultimately win the war as it marches over its’ weakened and weary host but in the meantime the host is not ready to give in and will continue to fight the “thing”.

  • Hi Sue,

    It must be incredibly hard for you to run a house as well as having young children.  A couple of years ago I bought an electric heating pad which has been fantastic for any back pain I might have.  It has 3 settings and will switch off after 90 mins.  I bought it from one of the electrical retailers for around $50 and it has been money well spent.  It covers the area of my back from my bottom to my shoulders, so covers a large area - not that I mean I'm large hehehe.

    It has turned quite chilly here on Bribie Is. today with the westerlies blowing - they usually turn up around the time of the Brisbane Ekka or Exhibition to you southerners.  I was one myself many years ago.  We are awaiting rain which will hopefully turn up in the next couple of days.  Qld was declared to be in drought today so rain will be very welcome.

    All the best Sue,

    Maggie xxx

  • Hi Sue

    It's now 4 years since I've been constantly on one chemo or another.  Some have been effective but all only work for a while then its onto something else. I guess because the thing has been part of my life for such a long time I am in a place of acceptance of my diagnosis.  I am now 71 and have had a good life, travelled, seen my 3 children all established in their careers and families.  I have 7 wonderful grandchildren.  I count myself fortunate indeed. The treatments are harsh and side effects are often pretty bad.

    I wish only the best for you and hopefully a cure will be found in the not too distant future.  Never give up.

    Xxxoooxxx Maggie

  • Hi Maggie you've done incredibly well on this journey. I've been living with secondaries since October 2012. The liver tumours are the mst problematic. I get so sick of treatments and the side effects but you're an inspiration to keep going. Yes the bastard will get us one day but today we live in hope and as best as we can. Sue
  • I appreciate that you call things as you see them. I think the 'thing' has picked a tough competitor this time and I hope you keep winning the battles if not the war. Keep up the fight,

    Hazel xx

  • I love reading posts like this.So well written and so different.I love that the host is not ready to give up yet!!!!Please keep on blogging Maggie.You have a very unique but honest way of writing.I am sure that lots of other ladies will enjoy reading this also.:) Keep on fighting.xoxo Cheers Robyn