Forum Discussion
What is my new normal?
Hi everyone,
I haven't been online for about a week. Last week I was expecting to have a great week physically as it was the week before chemo and as I said to a friend, physically I felt ok, but mentally I felt like a 'basket case'. I just feel really down, cry when not in the company of my family, spent last week also psyching myself up for my third chemo (which was yesterday).
Since late April, I had three surgeries and commenced chemo. So I've lost a boob, bought a pretend one, started chemo, lost my hair. Currently sitting in my office (bed) fighting off nausea and have one more chemo in three weeks. About to start radiotherapy later. I know I'm one of the lucky ones. Stage wise I'm considered between 1 & 2.
I had a long chat with my med oncologist yesterday, about not sure whether I'm normal, am I thinking too far ahead worried about recurrences? My biggest fear is the other breast. My tumour was mucinous (jelly like) and didn't show up fully in the mammogram. What did show up was a 1cm tumour, but ended up being an irregular 4cm one with a second one smaller one hiding. It turns out my emotions were premenstrual as well, chemo hasn't quite switched off my hormones yet and got my period on the weekend (on the dot). My Dr has referred me to a psychologist and has reassured me that I'm normal.
I don't like this new normal. I'm good at puting on the mask of a smile and a good scarf hat combo, but when any friend looks me in the eye and asks 'how you doing?' I collapse in a puddle of tears.
I've enrolled in the look good feel better workshop next week. I guess it's all a process.
Sorry for having a whinge.
Hope everyone is tripping along as well as can be expected.
Love & hugs
Karen
25 Replies
Hi fellow Karen,
You always have lovely words of advice. I'd love hear about how your new normal is going for you. I'm jst learning to go with the flow. Thanks, Karen xx
Thanks Rowdy, Yeah I think a counsellor will help me too. I feel like a burden sometimes with friends what feels like my constant concerns and am conscious of the fact I don't want all our conversations to be all about me. Thanyo for your wise words of advice. Karen xx
Thankyou Lisa, Yeah I've found some amazing support on here and with the breast care nurse, chemo nurses and all 3 Dr specialist (who also happen to be female). I think they're all listening and suggesting the right avenues and support. Thankyo, Karen xx
Thanks Jane, Yes I think I'll benefit from these programs. The next encore program for my area is soon after radiotherapy or during so it will be good. Thankyo, Karen xx
Oops I forgot to write something! Yes I'm looking forward to the LGFB workshop. xx
Thank you Tracey, your treatment plan is just that little bit ahead of mine. All the best with radiation oncologist appointment. Yeah, I think it's a good idea I speak with the psychologist (next chemo apt, she's coming to see me). I woke with my first hot flash last night so my hormones must be scattered all over the shop. Thankyou, Karen xx
Thanks Robyn, such wise words of reason. Yes I need to remind myself that bc is one of the more treatable cancers. Thankyou for your kind words. Karen xx
Hi Kazzi
that hit me on treatment 4 of 6 chemos. I didn't know how I was going to make it through, let alone do radio etc. I was crap for about 2 weeks straight. All I did was cry. I thought I was going insane. I've now finished treatment and am on the next stage of trying to figure out my new normal. The lgfb workshops are fabulous. I only decided to do one after that period of feeling so lousy and wished I had done it sooner. How stiff do you have to be to get a period as well? Hang in there love. Go with the flow and allow the emotions. A counsellor is a good idea too. Hope you feel a little brighter and more like your normal self soon. Karen xox
Hi Karen give yourself a break, it is a tough trip. This site is good for a vent I have done it more than once and I have always got a response from others who have felt the same way. I went to a counsellor and it helped me to be able to tell someone how I really felt, without feeling guilty or offending family or friends who were wonderful but I found there were some things I couldn't talk about to them.
Take a big breath have a cry and tomorrow is another day. I think I could have filled buckets during treatment. Take care
