what is going on.....

Firstly, my condolences that you've had to join us all on the BC roller-coaster ride! It's a frightening, confusing ride and it sucks...simple as that! Secondly, I'm so pleased you've found this site...due to the fact that you'll find some incredible inspirational women on here who you can vent to, ask questions of and share experiences, thoughts and feelings with . Thirdly and most importantly though....you WILL get through this!?

I am a 43 year old sole parent of a 13 year old daughter. Feel free to read my blog for more info, but basically I was diagnosed with EBC (Early Breast Cancer) in 2008. My world was shattered...I was absolutely rocked to the core, but most of all TERRIFIED....I thought that there was a possibility that I'd die at any minute! Like you, my anxiety levels went through the roof. I too lost my appetite and lost a lot of weight quite quickly...to be honest I think I was in absolute shock! I cried alot, didn't sleep well at all and my mind was a complete blurr. I felt incredibly sad, angry, frightened...sometimes all at the same time. Infact I felt like I was in a terrible nightmare, waiting to wake up! Instead of waking up, I ended up feeling as though I was trapped in a whirlwind of medical jargon, trips to the hospital, important decisions to be made...my 'normal' life had just stopped in its tracks! I imagine you can relate to some of this at the moment Sue, but try to take some comfort in knowing that it does actually get better! Time is definately a factor in this roller-coaster ride!

My experience with counselling may or may not help you. I went to see a Psychologist (specialising in counselling cancer patients) at the hospital where I receive treatment and she told me my reaction was a completely normal reaction to a very abnormal situation! Counselling helped me to manage my anxiety through talking through how I was feeling with someone who really understood, helped me with meditation, deep breathing exercises, positive self-talk etc. She also reminded me that it's ok to feel flat, sad and angry...it's impossible to feel positive ALL time. I remember telling the Psychologist that if one more person says to me "you just have to remain positive" I would seriously want to SLAP them! LOL! Then later I found this site, the lovely ladies I chat with on here have been a wonderful source of strength and support. 

I also take a low dose anti-depressant which is wonderful with mild depression and anxiety. Did you know that statistics show that 50% of women diagoned with BC develop depression as a result?...it's very common. Anti-depressants have helped me enormously to get up and moving in the morning and I swear by them! ? I was also prescribed sleeping tablets and these helped my mind to stop racing at night and gave me the opportunity to sleep which was great.

I had a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and hormonal therapy in 2008/2009. The thought of chemo frightened me...i didn't know anything about it and had heard all the horror stories. Please know that everyone is different when it comes to chemo. One person can have every side effect under the sun, while someone else may have 1 or 2, or another may just breeze through it, wondering what all the fuss is about! My advice is to go into it with an open mind....think that it is the "good juice" that is going to help you recover. If you get any side effects, tell your treatment team straight away and no doubt they will gladly help you.

Take all of this one step at a time Sue....day by day....hour by hour if that's better. It's scary, confusing and hard to stop your mind racing to the "what if's?", but you WILL get through this!

All the best for your second surgery on Friday. Please visit this site to find support when you need it, take care Celeste x

(ps- sorry for my extra long rant..LOL!..I was where you are not so long ago so I hope some of what I've offered has helped ?).