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Suellan_WM's avatar
Suellan_WM
Member
14 years ago

Trying to find out....

Hello

I am new to this forum and a blogging virgin so here goes...

I am trying to find some statistics on marital breakdown and breast cancer treatment.

Not surprisingly, given my inquiry, my marriage ended whilst I was doing chemo. Anecdotally, I hear from health professionals and acquaintances that this is "not uncommon". I recall also listening to Triple MMM in Brisbane one morning when 2 women called in, one to find out if men really liked long hair because she had lost all hers doing chemo and her husband had left and should she grow it again; and another who was thinking of not having treatment because her husband had said he would leave if she did because it would cost money!

My husband and I had to do a property settlement whilst I was doing treatment. I am a family lawyer and so whilst the stress of court (yes he took me to court) and settlement was difficult emotionally and physically I at least understood the law. I want to try and start a network of lawyers for women to use (and hopefully for initially no charge) to get advice about marriage breakdown if this happens when they are doing or say 12 months after treatment.

So does anyone know the statistic? Is it higher or does it just seem that way to us?

Also I have been unable to find any resources that deal with what you do if your husband leaves the marriage. I have read (and indeed my husband had read) all the material for partners, but what is there when they don't stay?

I would really appreciate some feedback on this situation and my idea.

Thanks.

 

1 Reply

  • JJoy's avatar
    JJoy
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Suellan, although I cannot provide you with any statistics on your enquiry, I would have to say what you wrote absolutely floored me! Wow, as if you haven't been through enough.  Here am I sitting here fuming about certain aspects in my life and after reading your blog - I felt so much for you.  I have been married before and though what you said shocked me, in a way it doesn't surprise me knowing what louses there are out there.  I have not personally known of any marriage breakdowns with cancer patients - and pray to God it is not something that is 'common' - whatever happened to "In sickness and in health...." Having said that, I know the roundabout of medical treatments can 'put a strain on things'...........It's hard with all the treatment, emotional stuff and external pressures - but God Willing, if my partner wanted to walk out the door while I was going through this I would hand him his suitcase and give him a right royal shove!  My previous marriage I had a 'cancer scare' and my then (now very EX) partner was busying himself with a new relationship - I am so glad it was 'just a scare'.......my divorce rocked my world, but as I look back and see how he turned two of my boys against me and what he got away with (ex-policeman) then all I can say is 'good riddance' to him - and now is your opportunity to find your 'new' self and find happiness - you deserve it.  I don't think there would be one lady on this site that wouldn't feel for you.  I hope you find some info - all the best and good luck (with a hug) Josie x