Hi Michelle
It is all very daunting isn't it?! You are pleased that the surgery is finally here and you can get whatever is inside of you growing, out. But at the same time "what if" comes into your mind.... I have had that experience twice unfortunately (have a look at my blog).
When you arrive at the hospital it is a bit surreal. You feel perfectly healthy, so why should you be in hospital - that is what was going through my mind. I knew that I had to have a mastectomy but I felt so normal??? I will tell you what the experience was like for me in the hope that it will set your mind a bit more at ease...
After I checked in at the hospital I was taken up to my room and one of the nurses came in to see me. She had a chat about what was going to happen and then disappeared. I was left sitting on my bed for a while wondering when it was all going to start. Next thing I had to go down to the Nuclear medicine area for the marking of the sentinnel nodes. They inject you into the area of the breast with a fine needle (it didn't really hurt much) and then I had to hold a heat pack over the area and massage it for about 30 minutes while the fluid was taken up by the lymph nodes. They then took me into another room and positioned me under an x-ray machine which they used to take pictures of the lymph nodes that the fluid had drained to. They also drew on me with a marker pen to show externally where these nodes were. After that I was taken back to my room. This, for me, was done on the afternoon before my op the following morning. I was left alone for the rest of the evening and night.
The next morning I was told to get up early and shower using an anti-bacterial shower gel and then get into a gown (don't wear your undies down to surgery or you get told off!!). Once I was showered the nurses came and put pressure stockings on me. My surgeon came in and drew lines all over me showing where he was going to make cuts etc - not so pretty! Then the orderlies came and took me down to surgery. I was parked in a "waiting area" for about 10 minutes before being taken into the surgery room. The anaesthetist got me organised and hooked me up for the anaesthetic pretty quickly once I was in the room and before I knew it I was waking up in my hospital room. The surgeon used the marks on my skin to find the sentinnel nodes and removed them early in the surgery (I am allergic to the blue dye that they normally use in conjunction with the marks so they couldn't use that this time). The nodes are sent to pathology and results from the pathology is normally given to the surgeon during the op so that they can make a decision whether to take more nodes or not. My nodes came back clear which meant that I just needed the mastectomy and sentinnel nodes to be removed and no more. You won't know until you wake up whether they have had to take any more so there is little point in worrying about it at this stage - you can't control this so just try to stay positive. When I woke up in my room I was quite disoriented for some time and just wanted to sleep for the rest of the afternoon. My husband told me that everything went well and that the lymph nodes were clear, so that let me relax and rest.
The next day I was a lot more with it and my surgeon came to see me. He said that I wouldn't get the pathology results for about 4-5 days, so I just concentrated on getting as much rest as possible and tried not to worry about the results - it is always in the back of your mind but I tried to stay really positive. Well, the 4-5 days seemed to go quite quickly and I was nervous about the results (particularly as it was the second time around for me and I thought maybe I wouldn't be so lucky the second time). My surgeon came in and said that the pathology wasn't completely through yet - I couldn't believe it! i had psyched myself up for getting the results and now they weren't ready!!! unfair! He said that most of the results were in but that there were a couple of strange cells in the lymph nodes which they needed to look at further - well this made me really worried! The rest of the results were good but what were these strange cells and why was I told that the lymph nodes were clear if they weren't sure?? He said that sometimes not all of the lymph node cells are looked at in pathology while you are having the operation and that they look at them more carefully again after the surgery. I was still worried...."what if?".... Well I went home from hospital without the results and had to go back to see the surgeon the following week. The results were in and the strange cells were fine - no cancer in them -phew!
My cancer was invasive ductal carcinoma 2.2cm grade 2 and because it was invasive I had to have chemo. Chemo is not pleasant but it is definitely do-able! I have had 3 out of 4 treatments so far with the final one on Dec 29th. No, I am not a pretty bald person and yes, I hate not having hair BUT I look at the chemo as an insurance policy against it coming back again.
If your results aren't what you hoped for, you will cope...you have to! Just take it day by day. Those people who told you that they would keep their breast or can't understand why you would want to lose your breast have no idea what you are going through. Hey, at least you won't have droopy boobs when you're 70!! You'll be the perkiest of all your friends LOL!!
Hang in there....you will get through this.... and we are all here for a chat if you need us :)
Good luck - let us know how you go,
Louise xx
