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Viv_C's avatar
Viv_C
Member
12 years ago

This is not how I planned it!

I've just woken up on my fourth morning in hospital with febrile neutropenia, hair coming out in handfuls every day, thinking 'this wasn't how it was supposed to be'. I hoped I would breeze through chemo like I breezed through 4 lots of surgery in late 2013, helped by my positive approach to healthy eating and continued exercise, as well as by my general fitness and supportive partner and friends. It started well. After my first FEC chemo on 9 January, I felt pretty good for the first 10 days and was starting to feel quite smug. But on day 13, the niggling cough that began more than a week earlier and my oncologist had told me my body should clear easily, had turned nasty and I had a temperature over 38 degrees. I went straight to the hospital Emergency Department where I was admitted and put on intravenous antibiotics. Now, four days later, I am still in hospital waiting for my blood counts to improve so I can go home. My partner is 1000 kilometres away. All my dragon boat friends have gone away for the weekend to have fun at a regatta I planned my treatment schedule around attending myself. My hair is ridiculously thin with a wide, wide part in the middle, but I have no chance of getting to the hairdresser to shave it before the end of the long weekend, by which time I will look like a sad old guy with a bad comb-over. (Think Norman Gunston) How did this happen? I try to tell myself that those life-saving chemo drugs have blitzed my blood cells and hair follicles, so they must be really nuking any cancer cells, but a positive attitude is pretty hard to find right now. I am facing hair loss alone, with no control, when I should have a freshly shaved head and be partying, surrounded by my fabulous pink sisters from the dragon boat team. I guess it just shows you can't expect your cancer journey to go to plan. One day at a time! Viv

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  • mum2jj's avatar
    mum2jj
    Member
    12 years ago
    Don't know what to say to make you feel better. You probably need a visit from Jeannie Little (Norman Gunstons side kick). Maybe the nurses at the hospital could organize someone to shave your head? Just a suggestion. Once it starts to come out it is everywhere. Maybe some of your friends who aren't away have some clippers. I guess deep breaths and the mantra "this too shall pass" are in order. I said that so often when things weren't going well. Hang in there. Sending you a hug Paula x
  • mum2jj's avatar
    mum2jj
    Member
    12 years ago
    Don't know what to say to make you feel better. You probably need a visit from Jeannie Little (Norman Gunstons side kick). Maybe the nurses at the hospital could organize someone to shave your head? Just a suggestion. Once it starts to come out it is everywhere. Maybe some of your friends who aren't away have some clippers. I guess deep breaths and the mantra "this too shall pass" are in order. I said that so often when things weren't going well. Hang in there. Sending you a hug Paula x
  • mum2jj's avatar
    mum2jj
    Member
    12 years ago
    Don't know what to say to make you feel better. You probably need a visit from Jeannie Little (Norman Gunstons side kick). Maybe the nurses at the hospital could organize someone to shave your head? Just a suggestion. Once it starts to come out it is everywhere. Maybe some of your friends who aren't away have some clippers. I guess deep breaths and the mantra "this too shall pass" are in order. I said that so often when things weren't going well. Hang in there. Sending you a hug Paula x
  • Viv_C's avatar
    Viv_C
    Member
    12 years ago
    My partner is away for another 10 days unfortunately, so I will be alone. I'll try to find other friends who haven't gone away for the long weekend, but the timing is the pits. Even my lovely neighbours are away. So cyber hugs are great to get! Thanks Viv
  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    Norman Gunston lol . I think you will need this sense of humour over the next few days Viv.It just goes to show that this journey is full of unknowns isn't it?I hope that your blood count improves really soon,and you will be able to get out of there.Will your partner be home soon Viv? I hope that you won't be by yourself when you get home.Try and keep your chin up,and try and look at this as a downhill run on that roller coaster.Sending you a big cyber hug.xoxo. Robyn
  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    Norman Gunston lol . I think you will need this sense of humour over the next few days Viv.It just goes to show that this journey is full of unknowns isn't it?I hope that your blood count improves really soon,and you will be able to get out of there.Will your partner be home soon Viv? I hope that you won't be by yourself when you get home.Try and keep your chin up,and try and look at this as a downhill run on that roller coaster.Sending you a big cyber hug.xoxo. Robyn
  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    Norman Gunston lol . I think you will need this sense of humour over the next few days Viv.It just goes to show that this journey is full of unknowns isn't it?I hope that your blood count improves really soon,and you will be able to get out of there.Will your partner be home soon Viv? I hope that you won't be by yourself when you get home.Try and keep your chin up,and try and look at this as a downhill run on that roller coaster.Sending you a big cyber hug.xoxo. Robyn
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I'm so sorry that you have struck this bad run first up! It is probably just plain bad luck that you have picked up an infection at just the wrong moment. This happened to me on my 4th cycle and I have never worked out where it came from as I was always pretty careful to avoid crowds etc and like you had good general health and fitness. I knew I was pretty sick when I actually wanted (not quite the right word) to go to hospital. I had 3 days in and then felt pretty ordinary for the rest of that cycle. It really shook my confidence and it was pretty hard to get my positiveness back. I had the Neulasta injections for the rest of my chemos and never had another problem but it does take a lot out of you and I never felt as good after that. Hopefully you will bounce back as it is only your first round so your body will be in a better position than mine was by round 4. You are right when you say that cancer journeys do not always go to plan but you have the sort of attitude that will have you readjusting soon. Give yourself a chance to get over this bump and then get back to the next step. Hope you are feeling better soon. Sending lots of good wishes for a better time next chemo. Take care. Deanne xxx
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I'm so sorry that you have struck this bad run first up! It is probably just plain bad luck that you have picked up an infection at just the wrong moment. This happened to me on my 4th cycle and I have never worked out where it came from as I was always pretty careful to avoid crowds etc and like you had good general health and fitness. I knew I was pretty sick when I actually wanted (not quite the right word) to go to hospital. I had 3 days in and then felt pretty ordinary for the rest of that cycle. It really shook my confidence and it was pretty hard to get my positiveness back. I had the Neulasta injections for the rest of my chemos and never had another problem but it does take a lot out of you and I never felt as good after that. Hopefully you will bounce back as it is only your first round so your body will be in a better position than mine was by round 4. You are right when you say that cancer journeys do not always go to plan but you have the sort of attitude that will have you readjusting soon. Give yourself a chance to get over this bump and then get back to the next step. Hope you are feeling better soon. Sending lots of good wishes for a better time next chemo. Take care. Deanne xxx