The year my life paused...

Hi Karen,  What a diagnosis to have to digest.  I was told that my chemo will be one day every two weeks for 4 sessions.  I am very concerned as most people I talk to have chemo every 21 days.  I have Her2 with 2 nodes cancerous.  Can I ask what your schedule was.  My concern is with the oncologist is with my first visit, he wanted chemo to start 4 days after my node dissection and my surgeon said I would have 3 weeks to recover.  He just ignored me.  I still had two drains in and by chance I saw the surgeon the same day that my chemo was due to start.  She was mortified and I didnt start.  My confidence in him has gone.  He is supposed to be the best so everyone tells me. Very nervous and am thinking of changing. How did you manage?? thanks Airlie 

Hi Carol,

It's so much to deal with and there's plenty of people on this forum who can relate to the shock of it all. After the shock and all the initial information/tests etc, I did get quite angry - angry that this is going to have such an impact on my year. I felt like I just had to put so much on hold and also cancelled/postponed lots of other things. It has been 5 months since my initial diagnosis (had left mastectomy too) and am halfway through my chemo. And I still feel quite resentful at times that this is having such a huge impact. I don't want to be defined by my BC....but at the same time it is just the big thing happening right now. 

Re. friends - I did find it easier to get some good friends to do the updates with others and let others know. Otherwise it is hard sometimes listening to other people's problems when they don't know what is happening in your life.

Sorry this isn't much advice but more a 'I know what you are going through'. 

I don't know if you have a good GP but I think that's a good resource to use as a sounding board and to be the person that keeps an eye on the bigger picture - connecting all the specialists and having a more holistic view.

Haha, rephrase the term low white cell count for me, my oncologist told me at 10 days it was absolutely zero disease resistance. Luckily I didn't catch anything.

Thanks to all for the supportive comments. Personally I really feel the need to cocoon myself away from the hustle and bustle of the anonymous (and the not so anonymous) world, at least for now. It gives me a great deal of support to know that others share this feeling.

Love & luck xo

Carol

Hi Airlie,

I don't mind at all. I was diagnosed with grade 3 stage 1 invasive ductal carcinoma HER2+ hormone negative. I had 3 tumors, 20mm, 8 mm and 3mm. I had a lumpectomy and sentinel node removal followed by 6 months of TCH chemo, 33 radiotherapy sessions and the 12 months herceptin. It is mind blowing and I'm not surprised you feel like you are I'm a fog. If you wish to have a chat, by all means pm me. Happy to talk. Take care. Karen xox

Hi Carol 22, I agree, in some ways dealing with other people and their reactions was one of the hardest things for me. I live in a very small community so that added to the difficulty but also I should add had it's 'up' sides. This is what worked for me - I placed a sign on my door thanking people for thinking of me and letting them know that I wasn't up for a visit, had an A/C installed and just spent my time quietly processing what was happening- in my little cocoon, added a message to the answer machine (similar to the door), when asked how I was (by those not in my inner circle) I'd respond with the standard 'good thanks' and just kept moving. I spoke to my family and inner circle but had no energy to speak to anyone else. I had to process what was happening before I could speak of it without sobbing. I've come to realise that this is my coping mechanism. We all have different ways of dealing with it my suggestion is do what's best for you . Take Care K

Hi Karen. Hope you dont mind me asking some questions. I was diagnosed dec 2015 stage 3 HER2 positive. I had a double mastectomy jan more surgery this thurs to remove the rest of the nodes. Start chemo next tues for 6 mths and herceptin for 12 mths. I still haven't got my head around all the above. Can i ask what your diagnosis was?. Feel like my head is in a foggy cloud. Hope to chat more x thanks Airlie 

Hi Carol. I know exactly where your coming from. I was diagnosed dec 2015. Have had double mastectomy jan. Back for more surgery this thurs to remove rest of the nodes. Last week bone and ct scans. Cardiograph. No results yet. And i agree the waiting is the pits. It really does your head in. I too didnt want to talk to everyone. Flat out coming ti terms with bc myself. Still don't think I have. I start chemo next tues. Hope we can chat through our chemo. Best wishes. X airlie

Hi Carol,

welcome but I'm sorry you've had to join us. I am 7 months post active treatment, diagnosed April 2014. Like you I struggled to tell people. Not because it worried me talking about it but having to deal with others reaction was overwhelming. People would cry and carry on and like you, I felt like all I was doing was consoling others. So for me personally, I asked my boss to tell my colleagues and I put a post on Facebook and let the grape vine do the rest. Bit of a cop out but it worked out well for me. Once I had surgery I also didn't know what to say. Technically the cancer was gone but I still had 6 months of chemo, 33 radiation treatments and 12 months of herceptin to go through. I didn't want to be a cancer patient, I didn't want to look like a cancer patient and I certainly didn't want to say I had breast cancer when it was gone. As time went on, my feelings changed and I proudly wore my bald head. I think it was an acceptance thing for me. You need to do what is right for you and what works today may not work tomorrow and you will change it. Take one day at a time, one appointment at a time and you will get through this. All the best. Karen xox

Hi Carol

Sorry that you had to join us on this forum. I too was diagnosed in January on the 6 TH & can relate to how you feel regarding your emotions.

My surgery is scheduled for the 10th & with good advice from the members of this forum I am coming to terms with things & find a lot of valuable information is given which has helped & I am sure will help you too. x