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Leila34's avatar
Leila34
Member
9 years ago

The tears started today :(

Strange day today, I had been coping fairly well since the diagnosis, had a little cry initially and then just got into the 'right, lets do this' mode. Then I got the My Journey Kit in the mail today, and the flood gates opened. I sat in the carpark at work and cried, I drove and cried, I came home and cried, I listened to music and cried. I feel like I need a sign on my forehead, FRAGILE!!! I know its all normal, but I just feel so out of it.

I also find I am soooooo tired already! I guess its probably just the impact of the stress and lack of sleep over the last couple of weeks, but its making me doubt how I will cope once treatment actually starts.

On the plus side, the kit is great and I have already put all my appointments in so far, I can see it will be a great help. So thank you to BCNA for the practical support :)

Just enjoying a quiet glass of wine while I still can before heading off to bed

Leila xx

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  • prudencerose's avatar
    prudencerose
    Member
    9 years ago

    Hi Leila

    You will cope! You will probably have more fragile days when the tears will flow but you will cope. There will be good days and down days; you will be tired because it is emotionally and physically exhausting. Surround yourself with good people, enjoy the little things in life and be ki!nd to yourself. Most of the time the anticipation of what is coming is worse than the actual event. All the best

  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    9 years ago

    I read your post and thought that is how I was at the beginning. I can remember days when reality would hit and think this can't be happening and then I would have another appointment and think yep this is happening to me.  One day at a time it really is a roller coaster keep a diary and a note book to write questions down as you think of them. Deep breathe you will get there

  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago

    Oh Leila. ..I remember that feeling at the beginning and even now have some days like it and I am 6 months on. You will find inner strength. It is better to release that stress. Let it flow.  It is not a sign of weakness...it is allowing yourself to feel and not pretend that nothing is happening. I had my best sleep after the surgery...a relief really. You can do this. You are stronger than you think. Kath x

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    9 years ago

    Hi Leila,

    What you are going through right now is the most stressful part. Once you have your surgery and start treatment, you actually feel 'better'. You are more able to focus on just what you have to do to get through each treatment and stage of treatment.

    I remember wondering if I would ever get a good nights sleep again at the beginning of it all! Things that helped me were to focus just on what I could do to help myself through each bit. The practical stuff like making sure I had as much sorted at home as possible, my gear for hospital and afterwards. I also went for a walk each day. This cleared my head and helped me to cope. 

    It doesn't hurt to have a few nice pamper moments in between everything too! It does get easier and you will find that you cope. Just be flexible, especially with work and family. People will want to help so don't be afraid to reach out when you need to. You don't have to go through this alone. 

    Deanne xxx