Forum Discussion

moz's avatar
moz
Member
15 years ago

the penny has dropped

I stood in the waiting room yesterday, after seeing the Dr and i had, 3 ppl telling me 3 different things, 3 different app to be ok with, 3 different emotions at the same time, I then and only then have i realized the urgency of it all. i quietly sat down put my hands on my face and said, please can i have a moment.

Don't get me i wrong, my spirits are high, i just simply can not afford to let my emotions get the better of me, my 9 year old daughter can pick up and then she will get scared,i would rather her and me be positive and have her included, with my decisions, ie ( hair wigs ) so she is not scared when my hair falls out.not scared when i dont feel well and is in bed,

i just got married in late feb to the man i have been with my whole life,and who has blessed me with my 2 beautiful kids, i really should be in honeymoon stage, but we are now on the pink roller coaster and it will not be stopping for at least 12 months, with me with no hair, no boob, but what he will have is the whole me for 30-40 or maybe even 50 years to come, he will have me when he walks my daughter down the isle, he will have me when my son tells us we are going to be grandparents.....

so all in all i say i will give them 12 months  of my life, if they can give me the rest of it....

4 Replies

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    I thought I was doing fine. Till a coupla weeks ago I yelled at my husband for no real reason, and then I was like hold on a minute i dont yell ever.... so I booked into see my local breast cancer consellor, turns out I have a mild case of depression. She says it is normal for what were going thru and she gave me some great tips to help me really work thru the pain and anger Im currently feeling... 

    Not saying u feel this way or will, just if u ever fill ur not u and ur ruining the relationships around u, or u just want to talk - even if its not breast cancer related I would advise u see ur local breast cancer counsellor, if u already hadnt. Even tho u r in high spirits u cant push ur emotions away they will surface a different way & we all want to have some sort of our life.. things can never go back, but things can and will get better, I believe everything happens for a reason, I am yet to find one. But u sound very strong and I know u will get thru it. Take some time out just with u and ur thoughts, if its a walk everyday or a bath with some relaxation music. U gotta take care of urself and be aware when something isnt right in ur body, if its emotionally or physical.... 

    hope this finds u well & sorry for going on and on a bit lol.... 


  • moz's avatar
    moz
    Member
    15 years ago

    u r very right about the emotions, i kinda think if i think positive all the time then all will be ok, i wont drown, but boy was i wrong, and i still dont think it has really all sunk in yet..time will tell 

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    15 years ago

    When I had to sign the consent forms for the chemo I had a major meltdown.It seemed  I was signing my life over to the unknown. You will be brave some days and other days,a blubbering mess-and best to let it out on those days. Just tell your little ones that mummy might cry sometimes but not to worry ,just give her a big hug.Sounds like you have a great supportive husband.And we are all here for you too- lots of support and information.

                                   Tonya xx

  • Leonie_Moore's avatar
    Leonie_Moore
    Member
    15 years ago

    The fight is on and you are in the lead.  I remember back to my first diagnosis over 4 years ago.  It was right at the beginning just after I was diagnosed before I commenced any treatment.  My elder daughter said to me "Mum you are the strongest most determined person I know but I don't think you are fighting enough!!!"  It must have been a bit of a down day for me but it woke me up.  My kids weren't going to let me "not be around for them" to see my grandkids etc.  This time I said that my arm might be affected.  She said "You can still give cuddles with one arm!!!"  So you are on the right track.  Go girl!!!! Best wishes and love to you.  XLeonie