The Onion

I've decided my mind are thoughts are like an onion where bc is concerned. I have the outermost layer, the brown covering that holds the rest in, I class this as general thoughts and immediate problems. Then I have the thicker fleshy parts, organising and arranging for what's to come. In the centre though I have the tight, close core, the thoughts that if I touch too closely make me cry. It's this deeper core of thoughts that are the tricky buggers, the ones that pop into my head suddenly and unexpectedly, a bit like a telemarketer calling just as you sit down to eat. These thoughts catch me off guard and make me cry, like will I see my sisters again, if the worst happens how will my husband and daughter cope? I've started to catch on to the warning signals and have conversations with myself, telling myself to not put my hand in the fire, mentally slapping myself. The thing is I wonder how I will cope with treatment, having had my mum and dad both die of cancers I'd always wondered what I would do if I had to go through the same....well I guess now I have my answer, will fight it and I will do what needs to be done. I love my ipad, like really love it, I read books, I keep in touch with friends, I play candy crush ( a lot, waaaay more than I should, I'm convinced candy crush is the spawn of the devil but it is very addictive!) another thing that it allows me to do is play music. I've set up a playlist of positive happy music to take my mind off those core thoughts, so each day when I get up and I'm getting myself sorted I play it, when I'm reading, I play it, when I'm doing the housework, I play it. Positive affirmation is the way I've chosen to deal with my onions inner core!