The last illusion of control dissolves

Hi Inkpetal,

Like you, I needed a purpose. At my chemo orientation (chemo kindy) I was taken through the day oncology ward. No one was smiling or talking. I decided to do something about it. My chemo buddies  and I wore something silly in our hair (or in my case on my bald head). My friend made morning teas for everyone in the day oncology ward every 3 weeks for 16 months and as soon as I was hooked up, we went and spoke to all the other patients.   We laughed and joked with people, commiserated with them when they were struggling, held their hands if they were alone and scared. We had many, many people thank us for making their treatment a little easier. We made some wonderful friends who we are still in contact with and we tried to turn a crappy situation into something more positive for not only us but the others around us. It is never too late to do something worthwhile with your life. It may not necessarily be the major things that you planned to do but they still matter. Even now treatment for me is finished, if I have an appointment at the hospital, I still do a morning tea for everyone in day oncology and go and have a chat to everyone. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment but you will find your purpose and you will start to realise that your life hasn't been wasted. Your smile, friendship and love will have been everything to someone. Your posts and feedback on here will have meant the world to someone.  You may not have control of your life but really do any of us? I don't believe so. Or maybe to a certain extent we do but certainly not entirely. I hate what bc takes from us, I hate how it changes our lives and our goals. But it teaches us and makes us more aware of life. I wish there was something I could do to ease your frustration but unfortunately it is something we all must work through. As always, take things one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Karen xox