The date is set!!!
Day 10 - after round six.
STRESS
str?s
noun
- a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.
Even with the week I've had, I was starting to relax a little....I have a bit of time up my sleeve I thought..........Well.......
The phone rang......."Hello" I say......"Hello Tracy? Dr Xia here..."
My.....heart....sank...and....nearly.....came....out....through....my...
stomach.....!!!
You see Dr Xia is my breast surgeon......my heart was pounding! Why is he calling me?? After some reassurance from him all was OK...It turns out he and my Plastic surgeon have been conspiring behind my back! LOL! I haven't even seen the Plastic Surgeon yet!
MY SURGERY IS BOOKED IN FOR 24/6/16!!!!!
I'm like that only 2 weeks away.....2 weeks!!!!
And wait a minute, I had plans, plans to do a few things, plans to have a pre op party, plans, plans, plans!!!!! I have things booked for this weekend and next weekend.....and as I don't want to over do it so I thought OK, I still have a few free weekends free before the date discussed at previous appointments... (early July)........
He asked if that was OK? Well actually, NO! I wish this whole damn thing would just go away! No it's not OK! This whole thing is NOT OK!! ......But I said... " Sure, bring it on!" all the while, my eyes were wide and I was freaking out!
Needless to say my heart rate (I could hear it in my ears!) went up and I started to cry! My hands and feet started stinging red hot....After a cuddle from hubby, I calmed down a little......".This is a good thing" he said "they're getting onto it, getting it over with so you can have the rest of your treatment".......of course he's right, but my inner cynic started on me.
Am I making the right decision? What if this, what if that, what if I do, what if I don't.....Holy shit Batman! Double holy Shit!....this announcement has caught me quite unawares......
With that swirling around in my head I went to my GP appointment...She checked me over and checked my sore and swollen gum and my toe....It's the chemo doing this...no heat, no temp means no infection...a change in mouthwash to give me a bit more freshness and moisture and a change in toothpaste to help gums and a script for the nerve pain (if it gets to unbearable). We discussed the impending surgery and she has cemented my choice....my team is working together to give me the best possible outcome, the best possible prognosis.....
All of this stress, the ups and downs on top of our normal day to day lives and events has taken it's toll....it has affected hubby's health too....hubby has come out of the GP visit with a new BP med (3 now) added to his regime and a mouth full of ulcers.....it adds to my already worried thoughts....
After our trip to the chemist (we may as well move in!) We went for a quiet dinner to the local Thai.....yumm yumm. Then we went home only to discover we were locked out! Hubby had given his keys to the mechanic and the key to the house was on that key ring! Arrrgh!.....managed to call daughter and go and collect her key! Far out...what an afternoon!
So I now only have 2 weeks until my surgery! This is a massive step in my treatment, but I know in my heart it's the right choice, I now have to convince my brain of this! It's the right thing to do to ensure I have the best possible chance of vanquishing the bitch that broke down our door and ransacked our lives.....
So a deeeeep breath I will take, probably shed a few more tears, try to clear my mind and concentrate on getting stronger......stronger for the next chapter.
The end is near bitch......prepare to retreat, screaming, back to Hell.
Xx <3 xX
