telling people

Donna, I think your suggestion will work for me too. I have quite a few extended family members and ex-work colleagues who would be reassured by the updates through fb. 

Thank you so much for your reply, all these messages tonight have helped me open up a bit and relax and let myself let go of some emotion I was pushing down while I comforted my kids and parents. I will take your advice, it makes a lot of sense. Thank you

I am relating to what you're saying too, Jackie, thank you for your reply here. I cried tonight when I opened this page and saw 14 messages for me. My first tears. 

Thank you Kath, I will try. Isn't it horrifying that cancer is so common..I'm sorry to hear of your sister in law. 

I don't think anyone finds it easy. Telling my sons was agony...any my brother who had just lost his wife to cancer. But it is just one of tbe many things we learn to do. Let people support you...accept help and offers. Kath x

Hi Keiley

I can relate to all these lovely ladies and yourself.  Telling my Mum and Dad was the only time I cried about the diagnosis, it made it real.  Then having well meaning friends crying on my shoulder sent my hubby in to a spin to the point he became so overprotective of me he scared them off.  It truly is an emotional rollercoaster, and as we fight this rotten disease taking it one day, one test, one appointment at a time really is the only way to go I think.  Good luck with each and every day, we are here for you xo

Jackie

Spinning plates it the perfect metaphor. Yes!

Hi Keiley, this is truly a shitty shitty time. I found telling people I loved the hardest of all to do. I would become so anxious to the point of light headedness before hand. Luckily my close family and friends are on facebook. So after the initial, "well I have a bit of news for you" moment, I decided to blog my progress and updates via a public album on my personal facebook page. That way, anyone on facebook could check in (but only my friends could comment) and hopefully that took the pressure off my family and friends from the constantly being bombarded by people checking up on me and them. I have a few family and friends not on facebook, so i find it exhausting when I have to update everyone on the progress. So what I've done is this, I have two private message group chats going, one that is my 4 close girlfriends who I cry laugh and complain to, then I have a family one, so mum and dad, my sister, her kids and my kids. I write out one message and copy and paste to the facebook messages I also copy and paste it to text messages to the others, then I update my facebook album. Not everyone though feels comfortable in doing this, so maybe if you have people close to you, either family or friends, who could maybe act as the person to update the rest for you, it might take the pressure off.  Best of luck. Its a tough journey, but you have a world of support out there. My piece of advice on your journey, take it one step at a time. Mine has had that many twists and turns since January that some days I dont know whether I'm coming or going. So take it one appointment, and one test at a time. xxx

I second everything that the other ladies have said.  I also found myself comforting others a lot at the start and it was really weird, as I was the one who had been given the shattering news that I have breast cancer.  You will also have to be ready to put up with well-meaning friends saying 'You'll be fine!" For the want of anything else to say, and you will have to bite your tongue and not tell them that no one yet knows how you go, as you know they are your friends and just trying to comfort you!

I second everything that brendas said!

Wishing you all the best ??

Maryrose 

I can be hard to understand for people who have had nothing to do with cancer. Knee jerk reaction is they may imagine you are riddled with cancer and get into a panic and start writing you off with a short life. What you need to explain is the cancer is not something that came up overnight and its been sneakily been invading for a little while and its not going to get much further now its been diagnosed and found out as there is treatment available to get rid of it. Focus on the good news rather than the bad and yes, explain the treatment can be rough and you will need love and support but you will beat the cancer.

I didn't tell a lot of people prior to the surgery. I told most after I got that bit out of the way and it wasn't so cripplingly scary for me. After surgery there was obviously going to be chemo for me and I knew not only would my outward appearance look different, my brain and moods would be altered while in treatment as well so I did openly tell all my neighbours and friends and family on face book and with phone calls and letters.

Much of it was therapy for me to get it off my chest so to speak and warn pretty much the whole world of the importance of early detection and get in and get themselves checked out.

Be warned, some will step back like you are contagious or something but some will absolutely stun you with how caring they are and be great verbal support for you. You can pick friends but you can't pick your family so try not to take it to heart if some family don't come near you or don't call. It is very confusing to me but I just have to focus on beating the cancer and get on with life, with or without them.