I'm Amanda - I'm 38, a wife, a mother to three young children and on the 22nd of February I found out I had breast cancer. Today I am having a mastectomy and axilla dissection. I am having a tissue expander put in for future reconstruction. I am trying to work out how to negotiate the site a little better to network and communicate with others who have gone through similar experiences. It is so weird and confronting to be doing this. I've been part of online communities before - for pregnancy, for parenting, for photography. I'm feeling surreal - I've cried - we've all cried, but I feel determined. I have this lingering fear that even when this is all done the fear of it coming back will always be there. I worry about my husband, i worry about my kids. The positivity stuff is great - I know I need it but I feel I also need to digest but is there time? It seems so quick, that the beast is burning a fire through my left side and it needs to be put out. I want today over, I want on with the chemotherapy - I want to be back taking my son to kinder and my girls to school - I'd like to do it all a little better than I did before - what if?... Onto today - breakfast before fasting - I don't feel like eating but I should so time for that. So mundane. Mundane is good. :-)

Hi Amanda, You are not alone at this site.We all know exactly how you are feeling.You don't get alot of time to process it all when you get the bc diagnosis.It's normal to be scared and worried about the future.It took me about 18mths after to feel confident again.Try not to think too far ahead cos it does your head in.Just get through this surgery and rest,rest,rest. Tonya xx

Hi Amanda, welcome and I'm glad you found your way here. Happy to help if you need a hand finding your way around the site, but you look like you're off to a good start. The help page has some good links for getting started, if you haven't found that already, but otherwise feel free to jump in anywhere you feel comfortable.

Hi Amanda, sorry to hear of your diagnosis, and I can fully understand your feelings re: everything moving at the speed of lightning. We dont have the luxury of getting time to digest what we have been told, it's just all systems go right from the beginning. In one way this is good, as it gives the medico's a chance to nip this disease in the bud, hopefully avoiding secondaries, but.......for our part, I think we would all like some extra time to try and sift through all the information, treatments, outcomes, etc. Positivity is great, we all need it to get us through, BUT it is also allowable and completely understandable NOT to be positive sometimes. There is no getting around the fact, that we are all hurting - hurting for ourselves, hurting for what this disease does to our families and hurting over how long we will be around (my opinion anyway!) I also believe in the power of the mind over illness (as someone else mentioned somewhere on this site) - but I also believe that we shouldnt be hard on ourselves if we lose that positive vibe for a little while. I am a realist and I know that all the positive thinking in this world is not going to make me better - but I also know that it can help me FEEL better - there is a big difference (once again, this is only my personal thoughts, but I think they are worth sharing), If you havent been diagnosed with secondaries yet, all I can advise is that you dont waste valuable time worrying about WHETHER OR WHEN you will get them. After you have had time to recover from your surgery and your treatments start, just 'go with flow' and you will find that life will return to some sort of normal. You need to give yourself plenty of rest time, difficult I know with young children - but your body will tell you what you need to do. This may sound strange at the moment, but shortly you will understand what I mean. Take one day at a time, and dont worry too much - we have all been where you are now and we are always here if you need someone to lean on! Wishing you well with everything! Di :)

Thank you Tonya - I've always been a "thinker" but see the advantages of not thinking for the time being.

Surgery today | BCNA Online Network

14 Replies

di-p52
Member
15 years ago
Hi Amanda,

sorry to hear of your diagnosis, and I can fully understand your feelings re: everything moving at the speed of lightning. We dont have the luxury of getting time to digest what we have been told, it's just all systems go right from the beginning. In one way this is good, as it gives the medico's a chance to nip this disease in the bud, hopefully avoiding secondaries, but.......for our part, I think we would all like some extra time to try and sift through all the information, treatments, outcomes, etc.

Positivity is great, we all need it to get us through, BUT it is also allowable and completely understandable NOT to be positive sometimes. There is no getting around the fact, that we are all hurting - hurting for ourselves, hurting for what this disease does to our families and hurting over how long we will be around (my opinion anyway!)

I also believe in the power of the mind over illness (as someone else mentioned somewhere on this site) - but I also believe that we shouldnt be hard on ourselves if we lose that positive vibe for a little while. I am a realist and I know that all the positive thinking in this world is not going to make me better - but I also know that it can help me FEEL better - there is a big difference (once again, this is only my personal thoughts, but I think they are worth sharing),

If you havent been diagnosed with secondaries yet, all I can advise is that you dont waste valuable time worrying about WHETHER OR WHEN you will get them. After you have had time to recover from your surgery and your treatments start, just 'go with flow' and you will find that life will return to some sort of normal. You need to give yourself plenty of rest time, difficult I know with young children - but your body will tell you what you need to do. This may sound strange at the moment, but shortly you will understand what I mean.

Take one day at a time, and dont worry too much - we have all been where you are now and we are always here if you need someone to lean on!

Wishing you well with everything!

Di :)
Di_BCNA
Member
15 years ago
Hi Amanda, welcome and I'm glad you found your way here. Happy to help if you need a hand finding your way around the site, but you look like you're off to a good start. The help page has some good links for getting started, if you haven't found that already, but otherwise feel free to jump in anywhere you feel comfortable.
Di_BCNA
Member
15 years ago
Hi Amanda, welcome and I'm glad you found your way here. Happy to help if you need a hand finding your way around the site, but you look like you're off to a good start. The help page has some good links for getting started, if you haven't found that already, but otherwise feel free to jump in anywhere you feel comfortable.
TonyaM
Member
15 years ago
Hi Amanda,

You are not alone at this site.We all know exactly how you are feeling.You don't get alot of time to process it all when you get the bc diagnosis.It's normal to be scared and worried about the future.It took me about 18mths after to feel confident again.Try not to think too far ahead cos it does your head in.Just get through this surgery and rest,rest,rest.

Tonya xx

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