I'm Amanda - I'm 38, a wife, a mother to three young children and on the 22nd of February I found out I had breast cancer. Today I am having a mastectomy and axilla dissection. I am having a tissue expander put in for future reconstruction. I am trying to work out how to negotiate the site a little better to network and communicate with others who have gone through similar experiences. It is so weird and confronting to be doing this. I've been part of online communities before - for pregnancy, for parenting, for photography. I'm feeling surreal - I've cried - we've all cried, but I feel determined. I have this lingering fear that even when this is all done the fear of it coming back will always be there. I worry about my husband, i worry about my kids. The positivity stuff is great - I know I need it but I feel I also need to digest but is there time? It seems so quick, that the beast is burning a fire through my left side and it needs to be put out. I want today over, I want on with the chemotherapy - I want to be back taking my son to kinder and my girls to school - I'd like to do it all a little better than I did before - what if?... Onto today - breakfast before fasting - I don't feel like eating but I should so time for that. So mundane. Mundane is good. :-)

Hi Amanda, You are not alone at this site.We all know exactly how you are feeling.You don't get alot of time to process it all when you get the bc diagnosis.It's normal to be scared and worried about the future.It took me about 18mths after to feel confident again.Try not to think too far ahead cos it does your head in.Just get through this surgery and rest,rest,rest. Tonya xx

Hi Amanda, welcome and I'm glad you found your way here. Happy to help if you need a hand finding your way around the site, but you look like you're off to a good start. The help page has some good links for getting started, if you haven't found that already, but otherwise feel free to jump in anywhere you feel comfortable.

Hi Amanda, sorry to hear of your diagnosis, and I can fully understand your feelings re: everything moving at the speed of lightning. We dont have the luxury of getting time to digest what we have been told, it's just all systems go right from the beginning. In one way this is good, as it gives the medico's a chance to nip this disease in the bud, hopefully avoiding secondaries, but.......for our part, I think we would all like some extra time to try and sift through all the information, treatments, outcomes, etc. Positivity is great, we all need it to get us through, BUT it is also allowable and completely understandable NOT to be positive sometimes. There is no getting around the fact, that we are all hurting - hurting for ourselves, hurting for what this disease does to our families and hurting over how long we will be around (my opinion anyway!) I also believe in the power of the mind over illness (as someone else mentioned somewhere on this site) - but I also believe that we shouldnt be hard on ourselves if we lose that positive vibe for a little while. I am a realist and I know that all the positive thinking in this world is not going to make me better - but I also know that it can help me FEEL better - there is a big difference (once again, this is only my personal thoughts, but I think they are worth sharing), If you havent been diagnosed with secondaries yet, all I can advise is that you dont waste valuable time worrying about WHETHER OR WHEN you will get them. After you have had time to recover from your surgery and your treatments start, just 'go with flow' and you will find that life will return to some sort of normal. You need to give yourself plenty of rest time, difficult I know with young children - but your body will tell you what you need to do. This may sound strange at the moment, but shortly you will understand what I mean. Take one day at a time, and dont worry too much - we have all been where you are now and we are always here if you need someone to lean on! Wishing you well with everything! Di :)

Thank you Tonya - I've always been a "thinker" but see the advantages of not thinking for the time being.

Surgery today | BCNA Online Network

14 Replies

Heidihoe
Member
15 years ago
Thanks Amanda

I think you are right, I can meet lovely people like ypurself and find information needed in my journey.

How are you going now?

I don't understand the terms used for the proceedures but I'm guessing you had to have the breast tissue removed and perky silicones placed inside the skin cavity?? Am I right. How long does it take from start to completion and repair?

If it's too difficult to talk about just say "Pumpkin" and I'll understand.

Heidi

P.S. I love photography too!!!! By the way I love your profile shot! Very artistic with the lighting and composition, angles, etc.
MandaMoo
Member
15 years ago
Hi Heidihoe - Thank you. I hope you are getting some answers to your questions on here. It is scary but somehow my new reality and I am actually surprised how at the moment I just want to deal with it! I had a friend have thyroid cancer a few years ago too with young kids - the big C is just not nice is it? I think it is perfectly normal and fine to be emotional and scared about all of this - and you are doing the right thing trying to source information. I think you will find a lot of support from some wonderful women here.

Amanda xx
Heidihoe
Member
15 years ago
Amanda, I'm so sorry for you having to go through all this and I wish you all the luck that could help in your recovery to a safe and happy spot in your life again! I'm so emotional about all this and scared too.

I feel like I'm waiting for it to hit me too. It's a horrible feeling.

I don't know how to use this system and you are the first person I have spoken to. But you are so young and having three children it must make it so hard at times. I hope you are OK.

I have 3 children too and have been through thyroid cancer nearly 7 yrs ago and now possibly facing the threat of BC.

It's terrifying.

You sound strong and have your family close by is great.

TAKE CARE

Heidihoe
Loretta_d
Member
15 years ago
Hi Amanda, my recovery was pretty good. I wasn't in much pain but i did stay in hospital for 7 days until the drain was removed. My arm movement was ok even straight after the op but is nothing like it used to be. I just keep doing those exercises. The one problem I have been having is a build up of fluid in my armpit that needs draining once a week, it's getting better though. I didn't have a tissue expander so not sure if that makes a difference to your arm movement.

Hope your feeling ok.

Loretta x
di-p52
Member
15 years ago
Your very welcome - always here if you need to 'chat'. Hope everything went well for your with the surgery. Take care

Di :)
MandaMoo
Member
15 years ago
Di - your post resonates with me so well - thank you.
MandaMoo
Member
15 years ago
Thanks Amy
MandaMoo
Member
15 years ago
Thanks Di - I am working my ay around :-)
MandaMoo
Member
15 years ago
Thanks Loretta - how did you find your recovered from the surgery? Was it long before you had good movement in your arm again - I had a tissue expander put in so this may make it a little different - not sure.
MandaMoo
Member
15 years ago
Thank you Tonya - I've always been a "thinker" but see the advantages of not thinking for the time being.