Internal alarm must be set for 3.20am...I've just spent the last 3 1/2 hours navigating around & finally ended up with a halfway decent about *my story*.I'm finding that it's probably better to put thoughts here than try to cram it all on to the limited pages of my journey - journal. Not sure where to start .. so I'll just go with it ..... I really need sleep .. I can feel my eyes packing their bags. But sleep won't come. God I hate waiting! It's been a sleepless 17 nights since diagnosis, with a sleepless 17 nights prior to that on *discovery*. I guess sleepless is an exagerration .. it's more like waking at 3.20am & deciding it's not worth going back to sleep. soooo ... surgeon again on Tuesday with the next steps after the MRI results. Waiting .. waiting .. waiting.... And in the meantime this bloody inconvenience gets bigger & more uncomfortable. Heavy, sore, hot, itchy ... did I mention inconvenient & uncomfortable??? Gah .. time to read the Sunday paper & strive for normality...Those damn chooks better lay some eggs .. Sunday paper is no good without french toast!!

I know exactly how you are feeling and although its hard to believe it does get a little bit easier as you go.. I have found this site and the wonderful ladies on it to be such a great source of information and support. Good luck on Tuesday Pam

Hi Susan. It's great you've found this site - hopefully it will be a good source of support for you during all this. Please come back and let us know how things are going. I know that sleeplessness well -watching 2 box sets of 'Mad Men' during the wee small hours got me through the time between finding the lump and surgery...don't know how I would have survived without this. Hope you've managed to get a bit of sleep and a big helping of French toast! Cheers Liz

Hi Moira, Thanks so much for the welcome. I've spent a fair amount of time in the wee hours navigating around the site, but decided it was time to take the plunge & get into the online support. I feel so comfortable using an online medium to communicate & it really does help to know that others DO know! I appreciate the contact.. I really do.Susan.

Hi Liz, Now there's an idea! Not sure about Mad Men (never seen it!) ... but I know there's plenty of Desperate Housewives & Grey's Anatomy (maybe not such a good idea?) episodes that I've missed. Perhaps I'll finally get what everyone else is raving about & become a *Gleek* ??!! I might have to see if it can work teletext though .. don't want to be keeping hubby awake!The girls came good with a couple of eggs so I'm happy to report that French toast was on the breakfast menu. Sleep? Well I'll give that another shot in a few hours. I have a 2 day intense training session for work starting tomorrow, that I have to cram into 1 & 1/2 days before the appointment with the surgeon @ 1.30pm Tuesday. Sleep would certainly help with digestion of information! Thanks for the welcome & the words of encouragement. Cheers. Susan.

Sunday 25/3 - Virgin blogger | BCNA Online Network

16 Replies

Liz_in_Darwin
Member
14 years ago
How are things with you, Susan? Just checking in...
Melg
Member
14 years ago
Hi Susan How did you get on with your surgeons appointment today?? Have been thinking about you... Hope you're feeling ok processing what the surgeon has told you. Mel xxx
Melg
Member
14 years ago
Hi Susan How did you get on with your surgeons appointment today?? Have been thinking about you... Hope you're feeling ok processing what the surgeon has told you. Mel xxx
Susan1101
Member
14 years ago
Hi Chris

Thanks for your encouragement & sharing your *dealings with the devil*...
It's worrying not knowing which path this thing will be taking, but I'm doing my best trying not to project or imagine too much until we see the surgeon again tomorrwow.
Next blog will be about the outcome - whatever that will be.
I appreciate the support.
Cheers. Susan
Chris
Member
14 years ago
Hi Susan, I have just read your story, and I too had a cancer that didn't show on a mammogram. My clear mammo was done 3 months before I questioned an old lump. A repeat mammo still showed nothing, while the ultrasound showed a tiny cyst like thing that no one seemed worried about, but was a cancer, just like you, and so many others I have met along the way. We will all be thinking of you tomorrow, as you find out your MRI results. I am now 16 months down the track, so life does improve. I have done the mastectomy, 4 cycles of chemo, the prophylactic mastectomy, and just completed bilateral reconstruction with implants. I know you are at the beginning of your ' journey', but there is life after breast cancer, and here on this site you will find lots of friendship and support. Good luck tomorrow. Love Chris xx
Susan1101
Member
14 years ago
Hi Daina & thanks for the welcome.
It's good to have a *go to* person if I have any problems in that area.

It's just such a great idea ... I hope more women take advantage of it.

I can see this becoming my sanctuary.

Cheers
Susan
Anonymous
Not applicable
14 years ago

Hey Susan, and welcome -- It is so good to see you taking the plunge and making your introduction post!

My name is Daina and I am one of the online network administrators so just shout if you need some help around the online network -- But it seems like you are finding your way around ok :-)
Cheers,
Daina
pammy
Member
14 years ago
Susan

What was the name of that hospital again??? I certainly havent run into his brother here in Melb... .. ;)

Will be thinking of you tomorrow

Pam xx
pammy
Member
14 years ago
Susan

What was the name of that hospital again??? I certainly havent run into his brother here in Melb... .. ;)

Will be thinking of you tomorrow

Pam xx
Susan1101
Member
14 years ago
Hi Mel
Thanks so much for the welcome & words of encouragement.
I'm already feeling a lot more comfortable albeit a comfortable walking zombie!
It does seem as though talking about it makes it real .. but then in a sense it's also all a bit of a dream. If I could sleep - I would want to wake up from that dream!!
But I can't .. and it is what it is.
I am normally a very strong & positive person anyway & this seems such a damn inconvenience.

I guess it's hard to know if I feel comfortable with my surgeon yet as the first meeting was a bit of a blur.... but I will say - he is absolutely delicious! Latin .. dreamy eyes & an accent to die for (oops ..!) ... honestly he could talk to me all day & I wouldn't care what he was saying.
Seriously though.. I will be taking more notice on Tuesday (avoid all eye contact Susan!) beause I need to feel as though he is interested in me as a person & not just another surgery.
Will he recommend chemo to shrink the tumor prior to surgery because it's easier for him or because it's the best option for me.
When do we talk about reconstructive surgery? He was talking about sewing the gap together & I would have a pointy perky breast.I'm not sure the other breast will appreciate that!
But then, that was before he felt that the tumor size needed to be clearly defined.

GOD! Just talking about all that makes it seem even more bizarre!!

Bring on Tuesday & I'll get hubby to take notes & ask the questions in case I get distracted by McYummy ...

I envisage I will be using this blog & touching base with others like you A LOT!!
Thanks again for your support.
Susan :)