Sleep
Well here I am again awake at 4am. Yesterday was a really wobbly day, I hadn't cried the two days before but yesterday I just felt off and weepy. My friend back in Scotland had sent me some flowers, and that just tipped me over. It was such a nice gesture and unexpected, I've had flowers and cards from work too as well as messages on Facebook from friends and family, have to say I feel loved. I started sorting some financial stuff yesterday, so we have a clearer picture of where we will be when I'm off work, I found it a bit draining phoning up, talking to strangers and explaining stuff. Health wise, I have osteo arthritis down my rhs, along with badly damaged disc & erosion in my back and damaged nerve in my back and rh leg. My rheumatologist also decided last year that I have undifferentiated connective tissue disease, which may or may not differentiate in the future ( in other words I have symptoms of different auto immune disease but not enough symptoms of any particular one yet) add to that, that I'm confirmed peri menopausal so I'm really peed off that bc has now been chucked In to the mix! I mean seriously, I've been ticking along nicely, excercises helped with the pain in my back, hip and knee, I learnt to watch for trigger signs and rest, I was able to deal with night sweats and mood swings ( again stopping to think about why I was suddenly behaving like an extra out of psycho helped) but now this and I think some buggers having a laugh! I was at the chemist yesterday getting some tablets and the chemist asked me if I had any illness etc, to which I automatically replied "no" it didn't dawn on me until I walked out the door, that I do have a few things wrong. I've always just got on with it, found ways to cope and remained positive, now I'm thinking my cups kinda overflowing here! Now putting it in perspective and writing it down helps, at the end of the day there are people out there in a much worse situation than me, so maybe I need to buckle up my big girl knickers once again! I guess that another part to it is that I've been feeling as if I'm stuck in pause. I feel like I'm standing outside a sweetie shop with my nose pressed against the window, watching everyone inside help them selves to the pick n mix. Trouble is if I don't start moving forward soon I might just find myself Licking the windows , just for the hell of it! Once I know what the treatment plan is and have a time frame to work to I will feel better and not so contrary (I hope).