Hi Tracy
I too really feel for you. I wish someone could teach me how NOT to worry about my boys - especially my 19 yr old. He too lies in bed all day when he is not working or not at uni. We have an agreement that he always messages us if when he goes out and decides to not come home. This was necessary after one night a few months ago he went out and didn't come home for 3 days! I was beside myself with worry. He goes out once a week and I still worry. He has to do household chores but never does them without me having to remind him over and over again. He has a terrible skin condition but won't take his medication and yells that I am nagging him when I remind him. But at times he is sweet and always asks how I am doing, and when things are really tough he is there for me and others so that's good. I guess sometimes our kids are never exactly how we want them to be. For me it's important that my sons pull their weight and are accountable for their actions. They do their own washing, cook occasionally and will generally do any chore I ask them eventually as long as I am not home when they have to do it and sometimes with much sarcasm or grumbling involved. They know that since we pay for everything if they don't measure up we will ask them to leave, but that doesn't mean they aren't at times selfish. After being away with no word for 3 days my 19 yr old was told that if he ever again broke the household rule of having to contact us if he wasn't coming home he would be asked to leave. He hasn't done it since. I really think they are generally unaware of what we as parents go through. Their brains aren't fully developed until they are 25. So, like Carol says, I keep telling him that I love him and that I don't want him to have to move out, but he will have to if he doesn't follow house rules.
I wish I knew what the answer is. Wishing you all these best, Nadine
