Shadows
How come a big radiology place that obviously is very busy and sees many patients can have skanky yukky bathroom facility...yuk! Yeah...that really fills you with confidence. The bathroom is a shambles, the toilet seats are old and worn out (what have they been through?) and the tiles are old and decrepid? Why is it that we notice these things? I suppose in Australia we just expect a standard. This was not up to mine.
I gave my partner the run down as we waited for my name to be called. we had a bit of a giggle and looked at car magazines. "Jennifer". It was my turn. I left my handbag with my man and headed of, folloowing the nice young lady who had called my name. Twisted and turned into the right position, usually always awkward and uncomfortable, left arm over head, back leanig into a pillow that offered no real support, we began. The ultrasound goo is cool and yukky as the skilled technician swirled it all around and over my left breast with the ultrasound apparartus. I quickly felt confident under her skilled hand as she went far and wide around my breast. I watched the screen, a distraction to the sensation. The Doctor hadn't ordered the right breast to be examined but, and God bless her she said she "might as well examine the right one too". I was more than glad for that to happen. If it hadn't been done, I'm sure I would have been anxious about what may be lurking under my skin there too.
As she progressed over the left suspect breast...the image showed a dark area, a cyst. I have seen a cyst in this breast before. It was completely dark which apparently means fluid. This time there was a difference. I saw it and I knew it. The technician didn't say much, but the light shadowed area was solid material. I tried to breathe calmly and deeply, in between my shallow anxious breaths. After the right breast was examined she explained that now she would show the Radiologist and not to worry if she seemed to take a few minutes too long. She would just be waiting in line to see him. She also explained that he would come in and ask me to place a finger on where I felt the lump. As she explained she also gently warned me that this doctor was very very good, and slightly abrupt too. I nodded, smiled and told her I understood what she was saying.
He came in the door almost as soon as the technician appeared abck in the room. He was as she had intimated...not rude, but abrupt. There was no conversation to be had with this fellow. "Wow", I said when he left the room after issuing abrupt instructions to her. She didn't say anything as she took "photo's" of the area that he had isolated. This time there was more pressure applied to the apparartus and somehow it made it all feel more urgent, imperrative that nothing be missed. Dressed and a bit dishevelled I emerged from the exam.
My sweetheart and I talked on the way home and I told him about the doctor, the right breast exam and how I was so glad that the nice technician had taken the initiative to cover that one too. I suspected it had been a girl thing, a caring thing...she had seen this all before in nursing and understood the anxiety of uncertainty.
As we drove, we talked up the positives of this exam and how it could be simply in nature...without using the word proactic.
The local surgery called me two days later to make an appointment for my results. I felt a bit sick in the guts.