Being able to share with others that understand gives me strength as when i was only EBC I just worked on getting thru is and leaving it behind.. I am sure that is how the system is structured.. But now with ABC it is different..
I am sure that I am already OK with the diagnosis, I have asked may questions and found exactly where it is - not just a vague description of it.. I have actively sought out things that will assist me to be stronger and healthier and assist my body to fight to it's best ability - and all this even though it is only 4 weeks today snce I found out, and I have already done 2 bouts of Chemo. I am still very optimistic about my outlook and will work on taking each and everyday in my stride where before I really did just take it for granted.. Every second is important, no matter what I am doing (or not doing as the case may be just after chemo LOL) But time with family and friends and being kind to yourself is the key.. It will give me more time than just working to a number. Because I may have a serious illness but there is still not a defined date and really, I dont want to know even if it could be worked out..
I am learning that a number that defines time is not the reality, it is what you do with it while you get there.. Sure, I want to be here til I am 80 but that is a long long way away being only 46 and many other things could happen before then - (perhaps the world famous "bus" - who are we to know our plan).
I love my husband and son with all my heart and it is them that will keep me gong and inspired to achieve so many things. My hope is for treatment to be kind and helpful and give me times where this is not so much of an issue.. Which will allow me to cope with the times when it will be. I am a realist, but an extremely optimistic one.
I was a super control freak (in my past life) and I do like to have control but it is more about ownership now. The more comfortable I become with this shift the better and more relaxed this will all be.
I will strive to take each test, scan or whatever comes in my stride and accept it for what it presents and then alter my forward plan to compliment it..
Do I wish that I was not here.. Yes, of course, but I cannot change this and wishing that I could is terribly counter productive. I am sure that there is a reason for everything that happens to you in life.. But sometimes we cannot work out what it is.. (LOL I am still trying to discover why I got it in the first place LOL - totally no "yes" answers to all the questions - but I have never once asked "why me?" that would achieve nothing - looking at all the people effected by this disease it is almost a "why not scenario")
Well, I think that may be enough of the D&M for now. But I truly do feel that as I leave my past "ratrace" life behind, I am finding a new and wonderful inner peace and calmness that I hope will sustain me during the down times.
thank you again for taking the time to pop in and show me support xxx
