Round 3 tomorrow
I was really looking forward to my third week post 2nd round chemo. I feel good physically and enjoying walking, swimming, photography and getting out of the house but I am struggling emotionally. ...
Forum Discussion
I thought I was all set for Round 2 to be better than Round 1, after all, I now knew what to do about heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, mouth, diet/appetite and bottom problems, I would be on Neulasta to prevent neutrapenia, and I knew that so long as a walked every day and rested/slowed down to match my energy levels. I was also set not to have any of the problems that had made the first round so bad.
But about 3 days before my second infusion, I got a frisson of fear. And from then on it got stronger and stonger. And I had a big meltdown on the day before, after Bupa led me a merry dance. But i think I was going to reach breaking point anyway: my body knew it had been poisoned and was going to be poisoned again and to go to an unbearable and incomprehesibly unpleasant state. Its a bit like going back into labour: you do forget stuff. but you do also get there. Going through the fear is part of the journey for me, and that is just part of why it is so hard and takes so much courage.