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Anna-Marie's avatar
Anna-Marie
Member
13 years ago

Rocky Recovery Road

And I'm not talking about the choc slic.... My occupational therapist(who is fantastic) said that sometimes when treatment ends the wheels fall off! I didnt ask her to unpack that thought. Wish I had but now know what she was referring to. I finished my 6 months of chemo followed by 7 weeks radiation on July 19. The next week with no appointments scheduled I felt lost, very sad, cried alot and slept alot!  It was as if a well of emotion that I had been pushing down during treatment came bubbling out. I watched a few soppy dvds and let the tears come. Felt better for it.(Sorry girls that aren't criers like me!)  Since then each week has improved emotionally altho depression lurks most days. Some times it can be hard work to combat the negative thoughts with the positive.  I am surprised at how weak and tired I feel. I have started walking each day just doing 5-10 mins initially able to do 20 now with a short rest when I return home. I am looking forward to joining the Encore exercise program next term to get some good stretching happening.

I also found out that I have an underactive thyroid so am thyroxine to sort that out. That explained the long sleeps I was having each day.

I was asked by my OC what my priority was? back to work.... bungy jumping...for me it is to fulfill my role as a wife and mum. I want to cook for my fab family without it knocking me out. I decided not to return to work till 2013. A big decision as I love my job part time teaching. Due to the fact that I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I may take a little longer to rebuild the energy and strength that the treatment sucked from me.

I am on tamoxifin too so have to watch the weight gain....

Anyway each day is different as I wonder what I will 'do ' that brings some satisfaction. I have learnt and am still learning that loving my family may just mean spending time with them and listening and laughing with them rather than a spic and span house and folded washing. I try to be thankful everyday for everything I can think of. I look forward to my hair growing long enough and for me to be brave enough to go out without a wig or hat!  (My profile photo is my wig!!)

Its took me a while to be ready to publicly proclaim that I am part of the BC Sisterhood!

I saw a lady with a pink ribbon car sticker. Can we buy these? or the pink doll one?

Enough rambling, gotta go...God bless you all as you face this journey. I hope, like me, you can find treasures in the darkness along the way.

6 Replies

  • Anna-Marie's avatar
    Anna-Marie
    Member
    13 years ago

    I consider myself one of the more fortunate BC sufferers. I am surrounded by a loving, kind and supportive group of people. Starting with my gorgeous husband, my four children (aged 14-20yrs) followed by my extended family and friends. They have all offered lots of practical and emotional support. I realise what a huge blessing this love toward me is. Even so, I remember one night during chemo when I was quietly crying in bed and feeling so alone. I talked to God and said, “How can it be that I am lying next to a beautiful caring husband and yet feel so lonely?” The next morning I was reading from my Bible and came across this lovely promise. Psalm 118:6-8 ‘The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? I will look in triumph on my enemies. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.’ Reading these words reminded me that regardless of my feelings, I am never alone. Whilst God often meets our needs through the loving contact of others, I don’t have to rely on that because He is my primary helper. I don’t need to be afraid as I face the enemy (cancer) because He is bigger than it, and as I look to Him I can know joy even though the suffering tries to rob me of that.

    If you would like to chat about your BC journey and how it impacts you spiritually I would love to hear from you.

    God Bless

     

  • Anna-Marie's avatar
    Anna-Marie
    Member
    13 years ago

    Thanks Ladies for all for all your encouraging comments. It makes a big difference to know that others have similar recovery experiences!

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    13 years ago

    Welcome to BCNA -lots of support and friendship here. It's amazing how similar our feelings can be on this journey.After my first bout of breast cancer in 2003,all I wanted to do was get back to being a wife and a mother too.Our body and emotions take a battering and it takes awhile to regain our life back. The first thing you want to do is prove you can be a mum /wife again and I suppose we want to nurture our family after what they have gone through too. When your energy and hair comes back you'll start to feel more like your old self.It's good that you are walking and going to do the Encore program - you need to nurture yourself and do things that give you pleasure.I've been going to art therapy classes and reconnecting with my creative side.When I first started Tamoxifen I became quite down,couldn't sleep well and was miserable with hot flushes.These can be side effects. My doctor put me on a very low dose antidepressant called Endep 10mg and it helped.As Pam says,it's normal to feel abit down -who wouldn't be after what we have to go through.Blog back here and ramble anytime you like - I think it helps.

                                                Tonya xx

  • Pamelamary's avatar
    Pamelamary
    Member
    13 years ago

    Anna-Marie,

    It's completely " normal' to feel a bit down at end of treatment, perhaps like the support is being withdrawn and yet energy levels take so long to build up again. Give yourself time. Many women benefit from support groups or organisations like Breacan, which give a cahance to share experiences and feel less isolated.

    Take care and best wishes..... Pam

  • Pamelamary's avatar
    Pamelamary
    Member
    13 years ago

    Anna-Marie,

    It's completely " normal' to feel a bit down at end of treatment, perhaps like the support is being withdrawn and yet energy levels take so long to build up again. Give yourself time. Many women benefit from support groups or organisations like Breacan, which give a cahance to share experiences and feel less isolated.

    Take care and best wishes..... Pam

  • Pamelamary's avatar
    Pamelamary
    Member
    13 years ago

    Anna-Marie,

    It's completely " normal' to feel a bit down at end of treatment, perhaps like the support is being withdrawn and yet energy levels take so long to build up again. Give yourself time. Many women benefit from support groups or organisations like Breacan, which give a cahance to share experiences and feel less isolated.

    Take care and best wishes..... Pam