Forum Discussion

Chelle48's avatar
Chelle48
Member
10 years ago

Returning to work

Hello everyone,

I am new to this network but diagnosed in August this year, like most of you who have experienced the horror of finding out you have Breast Cancer, the time up till now has been akin to riding a barely in control roller coaster, there has certainly been many highs and lows, and now two months on after my left  breast mastectomy I am looking towards returning to a life of some normality.

I am now taking Tamoxifen and finding the side effects in these early days starting to kick in and cause me to feel worse than I did before I had my lumpectomy and following mastectomy. I was very fortunate that I dodged chemo and radiation therapy. Some days my mind is a blurr, ,my vision deteriorating, I have the hot sweats, suffer fatigue in the afternoons and mood swings that turn me from a kitten to a monster. I am slowly getting over the sight of my scar that has robbed me of my shape, but given me my life now the two lesions I had, one with 2cms Invasive cancer within a 5cm DCIS and the other a 2cm LCIS, gone and hopefully no cancer to ever return there. There is always the fear that my other breast will become diseased as well, but hopefully the Tamoxifen will keep any further high receptor lesions at bay.

I was wondering if anyone else in our on-line BCNA community is feeling fearful of returning to work. I left my job (which I had only just started) when I was diagnosed not knowing how long I would need to recover. I applied for a job just this week that I was called for an interview, initially I was excited but now feeling panic and fear. I question if I will be up to the task and if it's really what I want to do. I have the new bras, the  foam and plastic forms to insert so I feel whole but why do I feel so lacking in confidence? I am 48 years old and been working for 30 years. This has really knocked me for 6. 

If anyone can share their thoughts on returning to work especially post treatment and juggling just the tamoxifen now I would really appreciate it.

Thank you :-)

Michelle

work

8 Replies

  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    10 years ago

    Good for you doing what is right for you at this stage. And so nice of the company to say what they did. All the best to you for 2016 too. Xox 

  • Chelle48's avatar
    Chelle48
    Member
    10 years ago

    Thank you too Karen for sharing your experience, sorry to hear you got sacked from your job...that seems rough.  I was worried I would not be up to the task with the job I had when I was diagnosed, I was still on probation having been only 3 months in the chair - I worked in a contact centre. It was sales based - inbound and outbound calls and you have to have lots of drive and energy, motivation - I lost all that when I was diagnosed and still searching for it! I know it will come again but yes you change, your priorities change, how you see the world and life, but we do need to work and we are still capable.  My old employer was going to hold my job for me, but because I had not been there very long I thought it better for them to employ someone else who was healthy and also had lots of drive, energy and motivation!

    I gave in to a bit of anxiety and fear yesterday and withdrew my interest in this role, to give myself a bit more time - it has only been two months since my mastectomy. They were really good about it and understood. They asked me to re-consider another interview with them when I am feeling stronger. Was not expecting that at all. That was really nice!

    Thanks again for your words, this breast cancer on-line network is really great for not feeling alone. I appreciate your reply and do wish you all the best for 2016. Take care of you too. 

    cheers 

    Michelle T

  • Chelle48's avatar
    Chelle48
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Karen,

    Thank you too for sharing your experiences - we are still young and have a lot of living to do yet - good luck with your return to your teaching job, the pupils and their parents. Surround yourself with white light and give yourself a hug - it is such an anxious time trying to find that inner strength especially with physical things - looking different but feeling different too. 

    I hope you find the transition to tamoxifen easier to manage than what you have been through with your chemo and radiation. One can only think it must get better... there is light hopefully at the end of the dark tunnel.

    Appreciate your sharing so much, take care and all the best,

    Michelle 

  • Chelle48's avatar
    Chelle48
    Member
    10 years ago

    Thank you Trace, and for the big cuddle. Some days virtual hugs are just as nice as real ones.  I think we all want to return to some kind of normal as soon as we can but we do need to listen to our bodies and be mindful of needing to give ourselves time to heal. Because I was having a particularly awful time of it yesterday -I am finding it hard to love taking my tamoxifen... I decided to put the job interview on hold, the employer in question was very understanding and even asked if they could keep my resume on file and when I am feeling stronger to re-apply and interview when I am ready. I was gobsmacked  and so impressed by this (I told them honestly in my cover letter why I had left my last job, of my treatment but was eager to get back to part time employment.) I thought I would get overlooked because I said I had been unwell with BC, so shocked they offered me an interview at all! So in the New Year I think I will be mentally and somewhat physically stronger and ready. Confidence will come and I just have to believe all will be okay. Thanks for your words - also to the other ladies who replied and gave me their examples - what I love is that this site never makes you feel alone in this fight with cancer. We are all in this together and are able to relate and share - it is such a huge help.

    Hugs,

    Michelle T

  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Michelle, 

    i was sacked with still 3 months of treatment left. I have a new part time job now but I must admit, that I'm struggling with my confidence. I have gone from being a successful, busy admin manager  to just doing accounts. I can do this with my hands behind my back and yet if I make a mistake, I find myself questioning if I am the right person for the job. I'm still struggling with permanent side effects of chemo as well as fatigue. My new employer is very happy with my performance but I question myself constantly.  I struggle with so many things that I never would have had trouble with before and I think it is just part of getting used to the new normal. Physically and emotionally I'm not the same but it doesn't mean that I'm not competent. It just means I need to do things a little differently to before. Good luck with the interview and remember that even if they offer you the job, doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't think it will suit you. Take care. Karen xox

  • Ann-Marie's avatar
    Ann-Marie
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Michelle,

    I just wanted to welcome you to the Online Network and thank you for sharing how you are feeling with us. My name is Ann-Marie and I am the Online Community Coordinator at BCNA.

    Ask as many questions as you like, the members are amazing and will provide you with all the support you need.

    Ann-Marie

  • Kazzi's avatar
    Kazzi
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Michelle,

    I can relate to your anxieties.  I was diagnosed back in April, 3 surgeries resulting in a mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy.  It's so devastating this diagnosis, still recovering from the rads and psych effects of the 'scar'.

    I'm 48 and been fortunate to be teaching for a while. I took leave from my job, took all my sick leave, & now on leave without pay. My boss and colleagues have been very supportive to take as much time off to recover.  I'm about to start tamoxifen and planning to go back to work for the 2 pupil free days after the students finish for the year.

    I'm nervous about starting  tamoxifen, as I don't know how it will effect me til I take it. Also nervous about starting back at work again.  It's not just the colleagues, but seeing students and parents again (at least that won't be til in the new year (when my hair's grown more).

    I just want to get back to a new 'normal' life and for me that's to have my class of students back, whether that's fulltime or parttime (I'm not sure yet)

    All the best for the job interview. Listen to your gut instinct, It will take a while for our confidence to be back. It all takes time.

    Karen xx

  • Anonymous's avatar
    Anonymous
    Not applicable
    10 years ago

    Hi Michelle, I also resigned from my employment after my diagnosis. I think that your confidence gets thoroughly knocked, and that it just takes time to figure out our new normal. Don't be in too much of a hurry, and pace yourself. It's ok to be hesitant and unsure, sounds normal to me. Make sure that you don't over commit yourself, and that you protect yourself along the way. Sending you a big cuddle, Trace ????????