Really feel upset; need to talk to someone

It never ceases to amaze me how absolutely wonderful and honest you ladies are...it helps me a lot as I often want to write so much but am not sure if I would step over some boundary somewhere along the way.  You have such a wonderful way with words and it gives me such comfort and it constantly raises my eyebrows (while I still have them) how I can totally relate to what you are saying, in some degree or other I think yes! I know how that feels and Yes! I have thought that.   I have also been told that I am 'positive' and 'yes if anyone can beat this I can'.  Oh, the well-meaning platitudes you get from everyone - but deep down inside you are as 'human' as anyone - the positive stuff is the 'outer shell' so to speak.  What is going on in your head is a blur, a fuzz, your head spins and it's so darn hard to think of and do simple things.   You don't want to look like a martyr but you don't want to winge.  You know what I am talking about, you have to 'be acting normal and brave' but inside it is quite the opposite - so yes everything you said is true and a lot of people don't get it - especially our kids (well a lot of them any way) I told one of mine yesterday - I said to her "You can discuss cancer with me you know, you can say 'cancer' I won't jump, cringe or burst into tears - how do you think I can do this? - because I have so many bloody medical appointments and paraphenalia lying around - I see it and hear it ALL the TIME! So please 'fill your boots' and mention the word 'cancer'.  She was quiet for the moment, taking  time to digest it.  I had to come across a little strong because I am sick of the 'shilly-shalling' around the subject.  Silly isn't it, you see stuff on the television all the time about breast cancer - and suddenly our kids don't want to say the BC words...is that something to do with denial or desensitisation?  Either way, we are the ones dealing with it.  They say its a 'battle' and sure enough you find that out along the way - this morning I woke up with a smile and thought "A free day - no medical stuff" and leaped out of bed full of energy! I may as well as this chemo has yet to 'kick in' so I may as well make the best of it - one day at a time, you keep in touch x x x Josie