Post Chemo Life

12 months post chemo, I've decided that half the world goes through their entire lives in a state of deep stupidity and that I may as well be grateful for the 53 years that my brain actually worked properly. I will go mad if I keep beating myself up about it.

12 months of Letrazole/Anastrazole  has made me miss Tamoxifen which I had no problem with. Technically it didn't bloody work as I still had a recurrence, maybe that's why it didn't trouble me. No pain no gain? Who knows.

The AI drugs are slowly turning me to salt. I spent most of yesterday getting Xrays and ultrasounds trying to figure out how much damage has actually been done to the tendons in my legs (I now have whopping great lumps on both Achilles tendons) and whether the bony lumps on my heel bone are contributing to the issue. FFS, what next? At least the visible signs of shitfullness mean that I'm not getting fobbed off at the moment; no one can argue that I'm just a bit down and some antidepressants might fix things.

It's the constant comparisons to my previous life that are doing my head in. I went through all this in 2006/07 and can't remember being anywhere near as affected by the treatment. Considering I can't remember what happened last week, this is probably not a reliable benchmark.

Margie is right, you can not rush any of your recovery. It just doesn't work, Some things, like decent diet and exercise, will help keep your basic level of well being up but reconditioning your brain? Ha. Only time will tell.

I do wish that there was more recognition of the indisputable fact that this treatment seriously affects some people, that it is not all in our heads and that, for some people, the affects of treatments post chemo and rads can have deep and lasting impacts on our quality of life. What to do, though? Abandon the treatments? Seems the only option but it is a really tough decision to make, particularly as there is no way of knowing if the damage is already done and that by ditching the pills you may throw away a potential lifeline and will get no benefits from doing so. Even if more information was available before you start, there is no way of knowing how you are going to end up.

It's early days for you and like every other aspect of BC, other peoples experiences can be informative, but they are not predictive. For every person who is having a tough time, there must be dozens who don't. I can only make that assumption based on my own experience. I'm also assuming that if treatment wrecked everyone, there would be a national outcry. Or maybe not.