Oh @Tasia my heart hurts for you. This is such a hard slog and you’ve come so far but it still feels like there is such a long way left to go. Truly, the drugs are so hard to cope with and when your heart is complaining ( mine did too) it’s scary snd you feel defeated.
I understand completely. You feel like you took your healthy body and you offered it up to toxic chemicals that feel like they have damaged every cell. And you fear it will never recover and was if worth it? My advice is to get your rapid heart rate checked - there are medications to keep it under control for the duration of the chemo and they will settle your fear. Don’t put that off - it’s not uncommon to experience this and it’s totally treatable. But don’t let it go.
Secondly, as much as you can, remember the goal and it’s coming closer. Don’t give up or give in. Shed your tears - big, wet ones. Allow yourself to feel weak and overwhelmed. This is an awful process sometimes. But - then get back up and go forward again.
One day when I was feeling totally rotten on AC I said to my husband - through fat wet tears - there’s not one cell in my body that isn’t affected by these awful drugs. He very gently said ‘ that’s how you want it to be. So it can kill the bad ones’. That gave me the courage to keep going.
You said you live alone so I want to gently tell you in lieu of a husband - these drugs are awful to kill the bad cells. Hang in there my friend xx
