Hope everything went well with your op, You are so normal with your feelings the way you have explained it and you have every right to feel that way. I have just come through surgery and received my final results on Thursday and up until then i was exactly the same as you were and probably most others here on this site.
As Leanne said above "Our situations are all different but we all share the common bond which none of us chose, but are grateful to be able to share our collective strength. (how true is that, what a beautiful thought.). Good luck with your results and remember things will only get better from there on.
cheers JO XXX