Now I know what my potion is

This is the second time I have had bc.  Same area but this time it was in a stray lymp node under the arm.  The tumour was full and had broken through.  There was no other "sign" of any tumours anywhere else in my body which was a good sign.  I had  a lumpectomy  and radiation therapy last time and started on Tamoxifen back in Jan 2007 - I chose not to have chemo.  This time the lymph node was removed but the specialist surgeon couldn't get a good clearance due to the confined area.  I was started on Arimidex straight away then have had radiation therapy.  I was told that this will be my last chance to "get rid of it" with chemo.  The Radiation Oncologist (I love him) said that I am curable.  This is keeping me going with treatment.  I am scared Witless about chemo as I already have a blood disorder.  Losing my hair - I am coping with that - have now cut it really short and intend to have it shaved in about 3 weeks or when it starts to "fall". BUT I hate being sick.  Today might make a difference.  I am seeing the Medical Oncologist and he will have the results of my recent blood test.  I think he will get a shock when he sees my platlette count - it is always really low.  I have to stop being "scared" and hope for the best.   I am one of those people who always looks at the worst scenario so I can get a "surprise" when it isn't so bad.  Thanks again for your comments.  I will let everyone know how I go. XLeonie