Miserable today :(
If one more person tells me that "you are being really brave', I'll kick them in the shins. I just had my second round of Docetaxel last Friday and I feel like crap! The bone pain really sucks and now I also have shingles on my back which really hurt. What more can this thing throw my way? My Onc told me the pain I had after the first round should be easier this time around and that the pain should be 'manageable' (for who may I ask?). My bone pain makes me feel like I'm being concertinaed into a very very small box and I can't get comfortable in any position day or night and now I've got shingles, all-be-it a mild dose my GP explained and he also said for me to be thankful for small mercies that it wasn't any worse! More kicks in shins I think although I'm not actually thinking shins but something much more painful for him. I'm having trouble swallowing any foods as my tongue has decided to become an alien reminiscent of 'The Blob'. Even if I manage to eat anything, there is no taste other than the taste of lard, fatty and horrible, yuck! Even water is terrible, I've tried lemon juice, cordial, ginger, nothing helps. Sorry, I am going on a bit but alas, these aren't my only challenges this week and I'm feeling grumpy, tired, cross and frustrated. My hands have also started to peel like a leper. (Well OK, that's overly dramatic). My fingers aren't falling off or anything but they are really skin-bubbled, flaker and gross and really tingling. I am 'moisturising, moisturising, moisturing as my Onc advised me to do last time and referred to this as another 'manageable' symptom. (My keyboard doth protest too much at the slight sheen left by the cream). On top of my bones and peeling skin, Catain Haemorrhoids has decided to make my posterior his home base. Every time I feel the call to the bathroom, I get a bad sense of foreboding. A literal "Oh crap"! Trying to get anything through that passageway at the moment is a very painful process, talk about clenching your cheeks. I fear that whatever I manage to eat will return to haunt me later as the proverbial barbed wire. I am taking medication but nothing is helping so far and I'm scared that I'll get the bad bout of diarrhoea that I got the second week last round. I ended up in hospital with that. Did I tell you I was miserable today? At this point I declare chemo the winner. Just bloody awful. I think I am just going to stay in bed today and drown in my sorrows if I can get comfortable enough to drown that is. I know that I am better off than some and I shouldn't complain but today I want to. Thanks for letting me rant and I know you all can relate to what I'm going on about. I also know I'll recover just in time for the next round so I'll hang in there if you all do too. Lots of love.
