Thank you Kath. I had teared up just oncupsince diagnosed and that was way back when I had to break it to a friend and she started to cry.
Thinking now - it is weird I had not cried these 2.5 months but I did cry this morning and frankly all teary now but I think that is good. I think I needed to let go and cry. Enough of me being strong and a bloody superwoman 'cause I am not one.
I am just me. I would be a liar if I said I had a great marriage until now but I did think this one time he would step up and be there.
It is better this way. Better I know where I stand than be let down on the day as I am ready now. I am ready to be strong and focused and I am damn well getting through this - crazy immune system or not I am going to be here for a while yet.
I have been there for him for 16 years now regardless of him failing me time and time again. I stupidly did not even do a will for myself as I kind of felt if I did it would mean I was giving up. Now - I bloody better live as am not letting the jerk get everything I have worked so hard for. If nothing else going to fight to live just out of stubborness.
I know where I stand and what I am facing so goong in there stronger and more determined than ever.
This is not the 1st time I have had to walk into a hospital without being given much chance to make it through and have beaten worse odds so now that I did my sooking and pitty party bac, the stubborn me - the one that fights against any odds is back.
Definitely planning to be here.for a while yet - making it through Chemo and the rest of the hospital based treatment then ttim to take my life back into my hands and time for it to be good and fulfilling.
Thank you again for your kind words and encouragement.
Jel.
