I'm strong, but I am tired....

From my Facebook blog....you can follow at https://www.facebook.com/An-ordinary-womans-extraordinary-experience-755583577912529/


THE FINAL FRONTIER - RADIOTHERAPY

Well another working week has come to a close....not that I've done much in the way of working!

I am very lucky to work in a place that I can have all the time I need off to recover.....

I am recovering from the chemo and surgery relatively well.......I still suffer some side effects from chemo, but they are no where near as bad as in the beginning....what is annoying is that I seem to lose my grip on things, by that I mean I can't physically hold onto things and they slip right out of my hands.....this is not a good thing when trying to hold a hot cup of tea! The doctors put it down to the neuropathy from the chemo and say it will get better with time. So I wait patiently for this lingering side effect to go away and hop I don' break too much stuff in the meantime!

The expanders are annoying.....it's uncomfortable having something that doesnt give at all or move stuck in your chest......and it still feels like I have underwires sewn into my chest, but most days i am able to block that sensation out now....I was so hoping to have the implant transfer before or straight after Christmas, but I need 3-6months for my skin to heal after radiotherapy before they will operate again :/

Radiotherapy is starting to share its effects with me now.....I was tired before, but now I am even more tired.....some days are less than others....but mostly I am physically exhausted....I push through....swallowing is becoming difficult, like there's a marble stuck in there and my voice is croaky....The burns are starting to grow too..

Luckily, I can't feel some of them as I have lost feeling thanks to the surgery, but where I can feel it's like sunburn....not really comfortable to have that under your arm and on your side....but it's bearable....The burn on my "foob" is getting quite intense now, thank goodness i can't feel it!.....My skin is itchy too and I often find myself subconciously scratching! Not good when I hit a spot I can feel!

Today is session number 16! I hope it goes a bit smoother today....yesterday they took a while scanning as they could see the bones they use for reference clearly, so I was on the table longer than usual....it's eerie lying there waiting for the machine to start it's cycle around you and when it doesn't it just stares at you with it's scrutinising eyes.....So after about 10 minutes of lying there with nothing happening it was announced over the speaker that they needed to do some adjustments and then treatment would start....

The time from session 10 until now seems have gone slow......It's like walking in a dream.....I look around at all the patients, and they look at me, in the waiting room and wonder what their story is....you make eye contact, no words just a knowing and caring smile......sometimes a quick conversation comes about.....buzzers go off here and there.....names are called out.....we sit waiting.... silently acknowledging that we are all there for the same reason......every one of us is fighting, some harder than others it seems by appearances, but we are all fighting.....

Everyone of us is tired, you can see when we return from the treatment rooms....as we are waiting.....it's etched on our faces, not matter how hard we try to cover it up.....I know just how much strength it takes to front up to these appointments when you'd much rather be somewhere far, far away......I send out a silent prayer that everyone has an easy day.....that I have an easy day.......Another week done....another weekend upon us.....

......another day closer to being finished! 

Happy Friday....Hope you have a great weekend!  <3