I want this thing out of me now!

Hi Jo

I read your first entry and all those feelings came back - I am now having radiation and am finding it is still too hard to look back just yet.  I spent the first month drunk - or I would have been if I hadn't had so much adrenalin from the shock rushing around my body!  There is nothing you are going through that isn't normal and expected.  Don't hesitate to share your feelings or to contact your doctor if you want more answers.  The best advice I was given was to keep a "diary" which has proven very valuable when seeing a doctor or nurse because I would not remember from one appointment to the next how I had been feeling or what I went through.

The part of your comments that really resonated with me was when you used the word "burden".  I have and still am struggling with this feeling, particularly towards my gorgeous sister-in-law who has been my support and strength through these months.  We are not being a burden - we are simply going through a period of our lives  that requires us to lean on others for strength and advice.  We have to learn not to be so hard on ourselves - baby steps, Jo.  You will get through this and eventually the good days will begin to outweigh the bad days.  This much I know because I am just a bit further than you along the same journey... :)