I have IBC

I can relate to everything you say, Paula. I hated looking at my chest after the mastectomy. It took a lot of courage to do it the first time. And I hated touching it. I used to rub vitamin E oil into it and the hard scaly feel under my fingers, combined with the lack of sensation made me feel like I was touching some alien reptile creature. I did feel, however, that I must be brave to even continue doing it, so that was something to be proud of. Try to focus on the fact that you are brave enough to keep turning up for nasty, unpleasant treatments, and make a note of your milestones. It will remind you of your progress, and that there IS an end to treatment.

When I got dressed, I tried to focus on wearing the most flattering clothes I could, and started to wear more dramatic clothes. I told myself that I was a strong, brave woman, and tried to dress accordingly.

The hair thing is depressing. I used to worry that the wig would creep and people would see that it was a wig. It also didn't feel like my own hair, even though it looked like it. Keep focussing on the fact that when your hair grows back it will feel absolutely beautiful - fine and silky like baby hair. I used to sit and stroke mine because it felt so nice. It did, though, take me a long time to stop checking my hand afterwards to make sure that it wasn't covered with hairs!!

I was lucky enough to get clear margins after surgery, and it's a very re-assuring hprase to read on the post-op report. I think it's a combination of luck and a careful, conservative surgeon. Even if you don't get clear margins, it's quite possible that the chemo and radiation will take care of that. Have you asked your doctors about it?

One plus for you is that you have a lovely face. No stupid disease can take that away from you.

Keep fighting

Sue