The fact that you even THINK you should be happy shows remarkable courage and determination. Hospital is not a bad place to let go a little and vent a bit. Here is a good place to do that too. You'll be brave and positive at home for your children and your partner but for your own equilibrium, you need some time to say it's not fair (it isn't), it's too hard (it IS hard) and you don't want any of it. Then you can take a deep breath and start being positive again. We all get through any way we can, the main thing is getting through. As they say, when you are going through hell, keep going! Best wishes.