You know @DearB, it's ok not to be okay too. I'm trying to learn to accept I'm allowed to be bloody petrified, anxious, mad, nervous angry etc. I try not to 'dam' it up cos if that dam goes, shessh I might go under! I'm learning to let the feelings come to me, and just wish wash around me for a bit if that makes sense??? It's like I'm dealing with bits at a time then I don't feel so overwhelmed. I'm new at this cos I'm a nervous Nelly at the best of times and scary if everything even before I got BC