Hi

It's natural to worry. Couple of things (that might be just me, I don't know!) that I tell myself:

First of all, you can be the healthiest health nut on earth and still get cancer. I was pretty (no, /very/) fit and I had a 6.5cm grade 3 bastard. Being healthy can help you get through treatment and help you enjoy your life, but in the right now you are in survival mode. give yourself permission to do whatever  you need to get through it.

Second, I steer clear of statistics (partly because the chance of recurrence for me is relatively high). You know what? For any of us, really, it's 0% or 100% -- it either comes back or it doesn't. Keeping track of the odds might be useful for some people but for me it makes me depressed.

Finally; two years after finishing treatment, (and back to excellent fitness--I really did just run a marathon) I still feel as though every little ache is cancer coming back. My current strategy is to set aside an hour every Tuesday to really think through all my disaster scenarios, surf the internet for 'matching' symptoms, and generally wallow in cancer-thoughts. But if it's not 4pm on Tuesday afternoon, I have to set those thoughts aside and do something else.

I'm sure these strategies sound very odd but they work for me. Meanwhile, as long as you're still in treatment, I think it's almost impossible not to think about it 24/7, so just go with it. You are allowed to think about it. Actually right now you are allowed to do/think/say whatever the hell you want.

Hang in there; it will almost definitely get better.

Go well,
Heather