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Cook65's avatar
Cook65
Member
11 years ago

Here we go again

I finished chemo 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I was on such a high. I survived! I never have to go through those dreadful side effects again. Hubby and I took a lovely 11 day holiday that I had booked two weeks before being diagnosed (sheer fluke that the holiday fell between treatments) the increase in my anti depressants seemed to have taken hold and I seemed to be coping really well, back to feeling positive and strong again. That was until today. Tomorrow I start radiotherapy. 6.5 weeks of 5 days a week treatment. I feel so flat and just want to cry. It was so nice to step off the cancer/treatment bandwagon that I just don't want to get back on it again. I can't believe how lousy I feel. I feel fearful again, sad and overwhelmed again. I hate feeling like this. I need a plan (that's the control freak in me coming out). It is a beautiful day in Melbourne, so after I finish having a sook on this blog, I will put on my hat and sunscreen and potter in the garden. Smell the roses and tell myself to be grateful that I'm still here and can smell the roses. I hate this roller coaster ride we are all on. I hate feeling so low. I hate breast cancer.

8 Replies

  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    11 years ago
    It's quite dark, darker than before, and so far it sticks straight up in the air a bit like how some babies hair makes them look like chimps, that's me hahaha. It's only a couple of mm long so I'm hoping it still may go curly.
  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi how is your hair growing back, mine is really curly. I had straight hair before I lost it having chemo, it also came back very grey.

  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi how is your hair growing back, mine is really curly. I had straight hair before I lost it having chemo, it also came back very grey.

  • Janet_A's avatar
    Janet_A
    Member
    11 years ago

    I hope its going well  for you. I read an interesting bit on your original post, wanting to know a plan to control, that resounds with me and helps me understand my anxiety in wanting treatments to start so it can be over with!

    I'm just starting with a lot ahead of me, hopefully at the end wiser and healthier for the experience never to do this again have given it my all.

  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    11 years ago
    Thanks.it wasn't bad at all. I worked for most of the day first and it was really busy, so I'm very tired tonight. Glad I've taken the whole day off tomorrow as I have my herceptin infusion as well as radiotherapy. My mood will pick up soon enough. Time will go quickly as we head towards Christmas. I'm just fed up and wish I was still on holidays. The radiotherapist suggested having some "treats" planned as well so I will have to put some thought into that.
  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    11 years ago
    Thanks.it wasn't bad at all. I worked for most of the day first and it was really busy, so I'm very tired tonight. Glad I've taken the whole day off tomorrow as I have my herceptin infusion as well as radiotherapy. My mood will pick up soon enough. Time will go quickly as we head towards Christmas. I'm just fed up and wish I was still on holidays. The radiotherapist suggested having some "treats" planned as well so I will have to put some thought into that.
  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Deanne is right , just when you feel good something else happens. The only way I cope is taking it one day at a time, good and bad. I hope some time in the garden helps you, good luck tomorrow you survived chemo you will get through this as well. Keep smilingxxx

     

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    11 years ago
    It IS a roller coaster and for every down there is another up until you reach that level end that is your new normal. That can take quite a while but you do get there. Radio is very monotonous but I found that the staff were lovely and soon I kind of looked forward to a chat with them each day. It does pass very quickly and then you will really be able to enjoy getting off the treatment bandwagon. Some people find it helps to have little rewards along the way to keep you looking forward to things. My husband used to take me out to breakfast or lunch each week and I just so enjoyed being able to TASTE the food again. Hope that pottering in the garden works a little magic (I remember dressing up in my scarf and hat, putting on the gloves etc and attacking the weeds). I think just being outside can sometimes help us to feel better. :) Deanne xxx