Halfway!

Well treatment 3 is done and dusted - now a week later.  That is FEC out of the way! I have to say though that this one has knocked me a bit fatigue-wise.  I was all raring to go but I am not bouncing quite so quickly from this one.  It is only a week so each day should be a bit better - just muscle/bone pain and fatigue, no tastebuds, queasy tummy (not too bad). It's probably the weather too - it has been bitterly cold here in Melbourne and grey - not what a Qld girl enjoys!  :-)

 

We did the Mother's Day Classic - I was just so happy to be out there with my family walking - the atmosphere was wonderful despite the weather - at least the rain held off until we were finished. I was proud of my littlies - we pushed my son but he bolted across the finish waving his cap in the air!  I was supported by some of my amazing friends and their families too.  

I'm onto Taxotere next - spent quite a bit of time talking to my Oncologist about all of my questions and she was great.  I am a little anxious about Taxotere - I have done so well until now but feel the treatments taking their toll progressively and I'm not liking that at all.  She suggested that most people do feel worse on Taxotere and don't get the bounce that you do with FEC - I'm hoping I'm not "most".  Also discussed alcohol (that ad is horrible) - I don't drink a lot but enjoy a glass of wine and the ad makes me feel like I've caused my cancer.  Along with the other well meaning people who tell me that my meat eating/dairy eating/non-organic eating..... has caused this to happen.  Then there is the fact I don't exercise enough, colour my hair (when I had it!), had a spray tan once - sheesh! What's a girl to do!?  I feel like there is a buzz in my head - that there is so much information, so many options.  I don't know which way to go.  Surely getting cancer is a message of some sort that something in your lifestyle is not right - but which bit?  Help me out here hey?  

Anyway - I am happy to say that BC is now not always my first thought when I wake (probably my second lol).  I am now thinking about reconstruction.  I am now thinking about life after treatment. I am now thinking about who I want to be and what I want to become because of this.

I am a little blue this time - again probably those blasted grey Melbourne skies - I want my life back - preferably without the cancer anywhere in there at any point (cause I only ever talk about it in past tense) - I want to be blissfully living life thinking I will live as long as my grandmother (87).  I want to have the energy to get out amongst it all - mind over matter I suppose - so better get my mind into it! Everyone keeps saying how positive I am - and I am - it's not the cancer - it's the lack of control, the appointments, interruptions, lack of energy, lack of control - there's the crux.  Time....I'll get it back I'm sure - just give it a little time...