Forum Discussion
Halfway!
Well treatment 3 is done and dusted - now a week later. That is FEC out of the way! I have to say though that this one has knocked me a bit fatigue-wise. I was all raring to go but I am not bouncing quite so quickly from this one. It is only a week so each day should be a bit better - just muscle/bone pain and fatigue, no tastebuds, queasy tummy (not too bad). It's probably the weather too - it has been bitterly cold here in Melbourne and grey - not what a Qld girl enjoys! :-)
We did the Mother's Day Classic - I was just so happy to be out there with my family walking - the atmosphere was wonderful despite the weather - at least the rain held off until we were finished. I was proud of my littlies - we pushed my son but he bolted across the finish waving his cap in the air! I was supported by some of my amazing friends and their families too.
I'm onto Taxotere next - spent quite a bit of time talking to my Oncologist about all of my questions and she was great. I am a little anxious about Taxotere - I have done so well until now but feel the treatments taking their toll progressively and I'm not liking that at all. She suggested that most people do feel worse on Taxotere and don't get the bounce that you do with FEC - I'm hoping I'm not "most". Also discussed alcohol (that ad is horrible) - I don't drink a lot but enjoy a glass of wine and the ad makes me feel like I've caused my cancer. Along with the other well meaning people who tell me that my meat eating/dairy eating/non-organic eating..... has caused this to happen. Then there is the fact I don't exercise enough, colour my hair (when I had it!), had a spray tan once - sheesh! What's a girl to do!? I feel like there is a buzz in my head - that there is so much information, so many options. I don't know which way to go. Surely getting cancer is a message of some sort that something in your lifestyle is not right - but which bit? Help me out here hey?
Anyway - I am happy to say that BC is now not always my first thought when I wake (probably my second lol). I am now thinking about reconstruction. I am now thinking about life after treatment. I am now thinking about who I want to be and what I want to become because of this.
I am a little blue this time - again probably those blasted grey Melbourne skies - I want my life back - preferably without the cancer anywhere in there at any point (cause I only ever talk about it in past tense) - I want to be blissfully living life thinking I will live as long as my grandmother (87). I want to have the energy to get out amongst it all - mind over matter I suppose - so better get my mind into it! Everyone keeps saying how positive I am - and I am - it's not the cancer - it's the lack of control, the appointments, interruptions, lack of energy, lack of control - there's the crux. Time....I'll get it back I'm sure - just give it a little time...
39 Replies
Half way with your chemo, that must be must be a good feeling, hope all goes well with the next half. You must be looking forward to your reconstruction,I am not sure which way to go yet with it , implants or the other?. I am waiting to have the gene test and if it comes back positive will be having the other breast off.
Are you going private or public with your reconstruction?, I asked my surgeon about getting put on the waiting list for reconstruction, as even though I pay private health fund , I can not afford the out of pocket expense. He said the list is about 2 years and would not put me on the list yet. Iam going to see if my breast nurse can find out more for me. I am in N.S.W.
Big hugs in my thoughts Debbie xxxx
Half way with your chemo, that must be must be a good feeling, hope all goes well with the next half. You must be looking forward to your reconstruction,I am not sure which way to go yet with it , implants or the other?. I am waiting to have the gene test and if it comes back positive will be having the other breast off.
Are you going private or public with your reconstruction?, I asked my surgeon about getting put on the waiting list for reconstruction, as even though I pay private health fund , I can not afford the out of pocket expense. He said the list is about 2 years and would not put me on the list yet. Iam going to see if my breast nurse can find out more for me. I am in N.S.W.
Big hugs in my thoughts Debbie xxxx
I saw my surgeon yesterday and we started discussing my reconstruction. I am off to see a plastic surgeon next month. I didn't fill my expander any more as he didn't feel there would be any benefit to it. He has recommended a DIEP flap reconstruction and I am feeling quite good about it - obviously a longer consultation with the plastic surgeon but I think I would like to go with a tissue reconstruction rather than implants. I just really dislike the feel of the hardness on my chest and I don't like the idea of something foreign in me.
I really liked that his approach was that as far as he is concerned I am at least going to be around for another 40 years so while the surgery is much more involved he feels the long term benefit is better - so I'm all for what is going to be better when I'm in my late 70's!
It will mean relying on others again for a 3-4weeks or more as I recover and can't drive and care for the children fully but I've had to learn to do that anyway so I'll keep going with it. I can also have it done while I am having my herceptin treatment - sooner rather than later - sooner onto moving on from this phase in my life! Yippee!
The other upside - a tummy tuck :-) Let's hope the plastic surgeon agrees with my breast surgeon.
Hope everyone is doing good this week.
Amanda xx
I saw my surgeon yesterday and we started discussing my reconstruction. I am off to see a plastic surgeon next month. I didn't fill my expander any more as he didn't feel there would be any benefit to it. He has recommended a DIEP flap reconstruction and I am feeling quite good about it - obviously a longer consultation with the plastic surgeon but I think I would like to go with a tissue reconstruction rather than implants. I just really dislike the feel of the hardness on my chest and I don't like the idea of something foreign in me.
I really liked that his approach was that as far as he is concerned I am at least going to be around for another 40 years so while the surgery is much more involved he feels the long term benefit is better - so I'm all for what is going to be better when I'm in my late 70's!
It will mean relying on others again for a 3-4weeks or more as I recover and can't drive and care for the children fully but I've had to learn to do that anyway so I'll keep going with it. I can also have it done while I am having my herceptin treatment - sooner rather than later - sooner onto moving on from this phase in my life! Yippee!
The other upside - a tummy tuck :-) Let's hope the plastic surgeon agrees with my breast surgeon.
Hope everyone is doing good this week.
Amanda xx
Hi Ann-Marie - glad you are doing OK so far. How is it going with your hair? Even though I had only lost a bit - when I was feeling good in the third week we had a little party with friends and family to make it a happy event. My hairdresser came home and we opened some bubbles - my brother went first then me. We did a range of 80's styles too before the full 0 blade. Each of the kids had a turn too. My eldest daughter was struggling with it but eventually the mood of it won her around - i think to this day my 4 year old son thinks I just shaved me head - he doesn't associate it with the treatment. I hope you are OK with it. I must admit - I didn't even cry about it because we had such fun.
Do you go into Breacan in the city for the reflexology? I was thinking of going in there to check out the resources. How did it go?
I am feeling much clearer now - surrendering to a bit of tiredness every now and again too - I'm going to have a nap this afternoon but I have been out all morning and I want to go out tonight so planning in advance ;-)
I hope you are going well.
Amanda xx
Tonya I was interested in what you said about the 'built up grief and stress' - I had actually lost my Mother 18 months ago, also my husband had a heart attack, with that and moving interstate and all the drama of my late Mother's estate - I really blame that! I have always thought how odd it was that my husband had a heart attack after we had experienced a great deal of problems with some flats we were running - and then the issue of my late Mother and subsequent dramas - suddenly here was I sick - a bit of a coinsidence I have thought. x x x Josie
I love the Napolean Hill Quote. I will share a favourite of mine at the moment from Louisa May Alcott - "I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship."
So I am going to put up with the crap - the other side will be a better me. :-)
Amanda xx
I agree - there is that little bit of guilt hiding there though - should I do this/eat this? etc... but hey - what's the point if we are not happy hey? I was dreading turning 40 next year but now I am embracing it - I'm here after all so it's worth celebrating isn't it?
Amanda xx
Hi Tonya - the grief/stress is interesting - I actually thought I was pretty good but went through a period of great stress about 5 years ago now - perhaps that was the seed. I am learning lessons from this disease. Part of me wants to tell Cancer where to go and the other little voice tells me to respect the beast and learn from it.
Amandaxx
Loretta - Good Luck for Thursday. Thank you for my little push up the hill - looking forward to the view at the top!
Amanda xx
