Got told today chemo failed

Your reactions are utterly understandable - this is a big disappointment. I can't speak about radiation as I had none, but lymphoedema is, as far as I am aware, not inevitable if you have lymph nodes removed. Like so many other things, it's variable (unfortunately in your case so was the chemo!). If I had been told when I started treatment (surgery, chemo, Herceptin and hormonal treatment) that I would get lymphoedema and wear a compressson sleeve, I might have balked at the treatment. Which would have been a really bad move.

Knowing you have a risk is frightening, but it also means you can keep a steely eye on things and get treatment as  soon as possible if it occurs. Early treatment is more effective treatment. But you may not get it at all.

No, there is not a cure at present - there are a number of people advocating for more research and more awareness. I do wear a compression sleeve, it doesn't rule my life, and it doesn't affect almost anything I do (I look a bit daft in a hot spa keeping my left arm out of water but I can live with that!).

You are understandably feeling let down, miserable and angry. But if you can, in those circumstances, don't see everything in the future in a dismal light. Coping with things when they happen takes enough energy, you don't have to start coping with things that haven't and may not.

Thinking of you.