Forum Discussion
Gone to pieces:(
Hi ladies, hope you are all doing as well as is possible. Well, as the title of my blog states, I have gone to pieces. October will be 2 years since my BC diagnosis and I have been doing fine. What has upset me is that on my 55th birthday in April I received a bowel cancer test kit which I completed and received a letter saying the sample could not be analysed and to do another one. I did the second test and have now received a positive result saying there was blood in the sample. This was weeks ago and today I saw my GP who has referred me for a colonoscopy. My partner recently had to also have a colonoscopy and the preparation for it is, of course, unpleasant. Having had my anxiety under control for the last 2 years throughout chemo etc. it has now reared it's ugly head. My letter states that less than 1 in 10 positive tests turn out to be bowel cancer. That's a good statistic, if I could just travel that optimistic road everything would be fine. I have been told twice today to basically suck it up, be a big girl and have the damn test. I have come here for more comforting words, no guarantees, just something like 'maybe it won't be a secondary, maybe it will be nothing, maybe I won't have to go through some harsh treatment down the track. Even the prep for the test has me flipping out, I have been lucky to only have diahorrea (bad spelling) only twice in my life, and don't cope well with the loss of control. This seems very trivial, I know, but it's just something I can't handle. Anyway,I have stopped crying while typing this and that's something, hey? I guess the fear really doesn't go away, I'm just not ready or prepared to hear any bad news. I've only not long gotten use to the 'new normal', don't want the goal posts moved again. Thanks for listening ladies, I will keep fighting on to keep the 'black dog' out of my life, wish me luck with that one,
Hazel xx
18 Replies
Yay to that!
Hi Hazel, thank you for sharing your fears, thoughts and courage. You are so very brave and I walk right beside you even though we don't know each other. I am 2 yrs in remission and the fear never goes away. I have allowed myself to embrace the feelings and keep on moving forward. Best wishes Di
Hi Hazel,
I did that test and had the positive blood result too, I had a Colonoscopy where they removed three polyps. Three years later I had another Colonoscopy and more polyps were removed. It is 4 and a half years since my Mastectomy, chemo etc. I just have to keep having the Colonoscopy much to my disgust too (that prep is yuk). But it is worth it as they will remove the polyps if it is.
Try not to stress about it and have the Colonoscopy and stay positive - wishing you all the best.
Hey Hazel
Hey I'm 55 too!! I got the above test at 50, and at 55 and luckily both came back negative. Not making you feel better I know, but I havent got over the chemo yet, and I keep having a lot of small problems and I know I should get them checked up. But stuff it. I know how you feel. Had enough is an understatement!!!
Know I've made the dreaded doc appt. (next week). I've done it now off you go - and we'll both come out smelling like the proverbial roses. Hey, don't the rich and famous get a good clean out regularly for there skin or whatever??
Seriously I understand, and I sort of understand the knockers - how many times I thought bad thoughts about a particular friend - she was a hyperchondriac - but said friend had health probs quite young - and now I understand. Every twinge, bump, headache might be something wrong....
Thoughts with you
Pam
Hi Hazel, your distress is totally understandable and unless you've been in our shoes, no-one has the right to make you feel bad about those fears and anxieties we all go through at different times.
Like all the ladies ahead have said, and your letter states, there's lots of reasons for blood in your stools and the likelihood of it being bowel cancer is very low. For your own peace of mind it's best to have that colonoscopy and hopefully with that out of the way you will be able to continue moving forward. Hugs, Jane xx
Hi Hazel,
Thanks for posting this. I turn 50 in October and didn't know about getting a kit in the mail, now I will have time to get my head around it!
Good luck with it all, I truly hope it goes well for you.
cheers
Mira
Hi Hazel,
My heart goes out to you facing all these anxieties. I agree with the above comments, there's lots of reasons other than cancer for blood in your stools. I'm glad you came online here to vent your worries because it can help.
Sending lots of positive vibes and cyber hgs
Karen xx
Hi Hazel,
I too,suffer from anxiety so really get how you feel. Let all the girls say there are so many reasons to have blood in your stools so it is likely it is nothing. However there is only one way to find out and that is to do the colonoscopy. Yep the prep isn't the greatest, however as long as you plan nothing for the afternoon, night before and are within easy reach of the loo, you will be ok. The probable peace of mind will be worth it.
Big hugs.
Paula xxx
PS. I did mine and it came back fine. XXXX
Hi Karen,
i got mine for my 50th as well. Lovely isn't it. However bowel cancer like breast has a great survival rate if caught early. In all likelihood you don't have bowel cancer. However try and work up the courage to take the test. Peace of mind can be a wonderful thing.
Hugs.
Paula xxx
