Gone to pieces:(
Hi ladies, hope you are all doing as well as is possible. Well, as the title of my blog states, I have gone to pieces. October will be 2 years since my BC diagnosis and I have been doing fine. What has upset me is that on my 55th birthday in April I received a bowel cancer test kit which I completed and received a letter saying the sample could not be analysed and to do another one. I did the second test and have now received a positive result saying there was blood in the sample. This was weeks ago and today I saw my GP who has referred me for a colonoscopy. My partner recently had to also have a colonoscopy and the preparation for it is, of course, unpleasant. Having had my anxiety under control for the last 2 years throughout chemo etc. it has now reared it's ugly head. My letter states that less than 1 in 10 positive tests turn out to be bowel cancer. That's a good statistic, if I could just travel that optimistic road everything would be fine. I have been told twice today to basically suck it up, be a big girl and have the damn test. I have come here for more comforting words, no guarantees, just something like 'maybe it won't be a secondary, maybe it will be nothing, maybe I won't have to go through some harsh treatment down the track. Even the prep for the test has me flipping out, I have been lucky to only have diahorrea (bad spelling) only twice in my life, and don't cope well with the loss of control. This seems very trivial, I know, but it's just something I can't handle. Anyway,I have stopped crying while typing this and that's something, hey? I guess the fear really doesn't go away, I'm just not ready or prepared to hear any bad news. I've only not long gotten use to the 'new normal', don't want the goal posts moved again. Thanks for listening ladies, I will keep fighting on to keep the 'black dog' out of my life, wish me luck with that one,
Hazel xx
