What @lgray3911 said!
Reactions to such an intensely personal illness as BC are just that. Intensely personal. There's no right or wrong in your feelings when it comes to this.
Human beings are unique in that we need and love to know 'why'. Hence science, travel, technology, religion, exploration and a host of other things! When we don't know why, it drives us nuts. Not knowing, as we all know here, is very uncomfortable. So no, not crazy at all!
Genetic testing is a serious thing to undertake, with potentially serious ramifications beyond yourself. There's often counselling involved in the process. Were you offered any? If not, can you get some? It might be good to talk your feelings over with someone expert in the area.
If that doesn't take your fancy, you might have to work on 'acceptance'. You know, 'it is what it is' kind of stuff, rather than torturing yourself with the 'why'!
I'm neither an alcoholic or religious, but I love the Alcoholics Anonymous Serenity Prayer.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
Good luck with your surgeries, and let us know how you get on with the testing. Look after yourself, and be kind to you! K xox
