Flustered? Who me?

Oh thank God for you ladies!  You are the most wonderful people - I laughed my head off at the responses, haven't we got the 'best' sense of humour and God knows we need it!  You are so right about losing the long lost friend (or 'fiend') - depending how you look at it) I have gritted my teeth through some pretty darn patronising stuff - I wish I had the neve to say what I think to them (we know we are far too nice to do it) but - I want to say things (and honestly this is what goes through my head, so make what you will of it) - things like;     1/ "Try extract cranium from anal area!", 2/"I know you are trying, very bloody trying!" 3/  "Remind me not to invite you to my next party, if I want to be depressed I shall hang myself quietly in the back bedroom", 4/  "Dont tell me my short/bald hair looks great, because now I am really worried as to what you thought I looked like before!", 5/ "With friends like you, I have a better class of enemy", 6/  "There's only two things I dislike about you - your face!", 7/ "Your talking to me like this and your sober?"  - should I go on?  I don't say these things (what worries me is that I am very close to doing so.....) yes I am intolerant, I guess this can happen when your life is flashing before your eyes so I forgive myself!  So far this year, my plans have been well and truly screwed over, so I am a bit of a grumpy bum!  I can't stand BS at the best of times, now I am totally intolerant to it.  Yes ladies, we look in the mirror and see the changes and aren't they so glaring!  Oh, you would have to be going through it to know how deflating it all can be - scars all over the place, sore this, achey that - mmmmm - yeh, put it behind you and grin like a Cheshire Cat (not an option I am thinking!) Besides being pricked, poked, bruised and battered we are bombarded with platitudes and you know what I reckon the worst one is? This little doozy "I have had plenty of friends that have been through it, you'll be right" - Gee thanks AH, that makes you an authority!  You could be talking about a bad case of the flu.  As for my children they find it difficult to discuss with me....Crikey folks, I find it difficult to live with - you all know where I am coming from don't you! Here's some advice, don't do what I did -  I looked in the mirror at my naked body! Oh shucks, I nearly passed out - I got such a fright I haven't seen something that scary for ages!  When people make comments such as they do, well meaning or not - it kind of makes you want to flash your titties (whats left of them) and say "Cop a load of this sunshine and now tell me to get on with it!" You know that ad for M & M's? - I wanna say, "You jump in the bowl!"