Hi ladies, i haven't been on for a while and I will get to the stupid reason why in a moment. Yesterday I saw my amazing surgeon who went through my results of op to remove 2 little lumps. One was grade 1 ductile carcinoma 1.3mm and the other was grade 3 1.5mm. Because she told me all the margins and 3 nodes were clear I was totally blown away when she told me the next step was to see the oncologist. I feel so stupid and nieve to think that I would breeze into her rooms and she would say all good, back to work. I have all the info for BCNA still sitting un-opened coz I honestly thought I wouldn't need it. I have cried and cried last night and for one reason.....I don't want to lose my hair. Are these thoughts normal on my cancer beginning journey xx

I felt totally the same as similar to you I had a 9mm stage 1 but was HER positive and hormone positive too and hence why chemo was suggested. I thought I would need radiotherapy only after my surgery and I can totally relate to your shock. did they explain the reasoning for the chemo? I doubt you would need anything heavy duty for something of your size? Im on weekly Taxol and using the cold caps to retain my hair . Do talk to your oncologist about the caps, mine was very pro for them, even had pictures on his phone of women who used them and showing me the results . I've had 3 taxols and 3 weeks of caps so within the next week I should get a feel for the effectiveness. Retaining Hair was so important to me hence even though they are uncomfortable I'm happy to tolerate them. one step at a time , it's hard to take it all in, hopefully the oncologist will explain more and the reasoning etc. totally normal what your feeling. take care angie

Hi Angie, the smallest lump is DCIS grade 1 but the other one is HER positive grade 3. I think that's why a visit to the oncologist is needed. I just wish I had read more info that was sitting on my desk at home. What is the cap thing cheers for taking the time to reply to me Louisa x

Im sorry you are having to start out on this journey & yes, its normal, I felt the same, I was fine with everything up until I heard the words - you will lose you hair but it will grow back!!.. But you know, losing your hair isn't that bad.... Do you know how easy it makes life to just get up in the morning & put your hair on instead of having to wash & dry it?? & I dont have to shave my legs or under my arms or have bikini waxes.....

Hey Louisa! I am still waiting for my full results after my lumpectomy 13/1/16, my nodes came back positive so they went too. Although I am still recovering from my surgery, i have thought and thought about impending treatment! My cancer biopsy results only said Invasive Ductal Carcinoma and that its hormone receptive. I only have an indication of how big it was because the surgeon explained it as large and nasty, I may need further surgery, but I am also expecting chemo..i will definitely have radiation and hormone therapies too. I think I am more afraid of the treatment phase than the actual surgery. I am anxious about losing my hair, anxious that I may lose more of my 14HH size boobs, but you know what your hair will grow back and as far as my boobs go, well i can get false ones (maybe a few sizes smaller!) The hardest thing to grasp is how you will feel throughout this experience, you just don't know until you get there. I think the initial shock, the information overload, that fact YOU actually have cancer and how will you deal with it effects your way of thinking in an astounding way. I think your brain has a natural way of "numbing" your reaction. It's like a preparation to make you strong and sane enough to get through it....The next days, weeks, months will blur by I imagine, expect that there will be good days and there will be bad, low days and deal with them as they come. Anticipation plays havoc with the mind. Try to meditate ....and keep a positive attitude! remember to breathe, I mean really breathe, when we are under stress, we take shorter shallow breaths..breath in courage, exhale fear ..breeeeathe! Write everything down, ask a million questions, no matter how silly you think they are! Good luck with everything and remember we are behind you every step! Love and light - Tracy Stay Strong|Breathe|Believe

Hi Louisa - never feel silly! Hey we are on a roller coaster, emotionally and physically. You got through to the first stop and come to realise that there is a bit more to this journey than you first thought. Wishing you well with your treatment. I am sure your Oncologist will be just like mine, very caring, very thorough and makes me feel at ease with what he's telling me and including me in the decision making process. Take care and don't be hard on yourself Christine xx

Feeling stupid | BCNA Online Network

14 Replies

maryroset1
Member
10 years ago
Hey Louisa.

What you are feeling is so normal. Its pretty scary stuff but if you take it one day and appointment at a time you will get through it i promise.

I used cold cap can highly recommend it i had my chemo at epworth eastern. I was petrified at the thought of chemo but i got through 6 cycles. You will surprise yourself how strong you can be. Stay positive and dont think too far ahead with baby steps you will get through it.

Sending heaps of positiveness your way.??

Maryrose
ScorpionQueen
Member
10 years ago
...And thank you Louisa for supporting my art page!

Hopefully soon I can produce some work that will inspire us all Xx

-Tracy

stay strong|breathe|believe
Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Bite your tongue! Nothing stupid about having cancer and your mind and body have been totally thrown for a six atm. Unfortunately you just have to muddle through and try and make sense of it all.

In primary cancer you get a chance to knock it flat on its ear and perhaps never ever have it back again as secondary cancer. My sis in law had it 16yrs ago quite bad and after chemo, radiation, the whole works its never come back. It doesn't happen for us all but that's an offer I will take.

Follow my day by day chemo diary if you like. Be aware every one of us has different cancer responding to different chemo meds with different side affects. You will have a couple of appointments before the chemo roster is set in concrete so write up a list of questions to take with you. My list was 4 pages long!

They will scare the pants off you with the "possible" side affects but really mine isn't that bad. Mind you my hair hasn't fallen out at all yet and I have a really thick mop of it. I'll face that one when and IF it happens and probably cry for a couple of days.

You can do this!
Flutter_By
Member
10 years ago
Hey Louisa,

your thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal, and for a lot of us losing our hair is confronting, it's ok to shed some tears. I know I did knowing I'd lose my hair that I had been so attached to all 52cms of it, I cried when I got it cut short in preparation when chemo started, but within a week I'd gotten used to short hair and then when I lost it, oddly it's been liberating, I thought in part my hair made me was who I was, but it's not, after being bald for almost 6 months now I'm still me! ?? and you will still be you!

try not to deal with the whole mountain in front of you, just focus on each step of this steep climb one at a time, you can and will get thru. Xx
ScorpionQueen
Member
10 years ago
Pink Troopers march united to stamp out cancer! We got each other's backs !

- Tracy

stay strong|breathe|believe
iserbrown
Member
10 years ago
We're all in this together
Louisadawdy
Member
10 years ago
Thanks to all the lovely ladies who have taken the time to not only read my little story but to have taken the time to reply to me. Although I don't personally know any of you it is such a comfort having you all so close

louisa xxx
Cook65
Member
10 years ago
Hi Louisa

definitely not silly. I was told prior to surgery that I would definitely need radiotherapy. I was absolutely devastated that I had to have chemo. My path came back stage 3 grade 1 invasive ductal carcinoma HER2+ and not hormone receptive. WTF??? How could this have been? It was nothing like what we thought it would be. It really is a roller coaster ride.

As far as the hair loss goes, for me personally, I rocked bald. A friend of mine, however, found that the hair loss was a huge burden for her. I really do think it was the worst part for her. She wore a wig but hated it. My suggestion would be to get a wig that is very similar to your own colour. You will be amazed how many people will compliment you on your new hair do!

Don't be hard on yourself. You are still in shock over the diagnosis. It takes a bit to get your head around. Hang in there and all the best. Karen xox
angiesg
Member
10 years ago
Loiusa

google scalp cooling/cold caps and there is a lot of information. Not sure where you live but I'm in Melbourne and its offered at 3 private hospitals and 1 public hospital.

theory is that they cool your head to freezing so that the hair follicles don't get affected by the chemo and cause hair loss. It's not totally guaranteed and you may still get thinning but for me it's was worth a go and so far I've tolerated it better than I thought I would.

my hospital uses the Paxman machines.

once your know more from the oncologist feel free to ask any questions etc, I'd say our treatment plans will be similar. I was told that for stage 1 small cancers with HER2, the standard protocol is 12 weeks of chemo and 1 year of Herceptin which is given every 3 weeks.

its a whirlwind at the start not knowing the full plan.

take care

angie
iserbrown
Member
10 years ago
Hi Louisa - never feel silly!

Hey we are on a roller coaster, emotionally and physically. You got through to the first stop and come to realise that there is a bit more to this journey than you first thought.

Wishing you well with your treatment. I am sure your Oncologist will be just like mine, very caring, very thorough and makes me feel at ease with what he's telling me and including me in the decision making process.

Take care and don't be hard on yourself

Christine xx