Hi all, I hope you are all travelling well. I'm feeling pretty down at the moment. The night sweats are keeping me awake and up until now I've managed them and the hot flushes very well. I'm also feeling generally down and lonely. I had organised a girls weekend with a few good friends but then one by one they cancelled! I was pretty p*** off to say the least. Why does this happen? Friends seem to hang around at the beginning but then slowly drop off. I suppose finishing my treatment had more of an impact on me than I first thought. I miss seeing the team regularly (but not the daily drive!). I'm trying to find people in my area who have been through the same thing as me but am having very little success. Sorry for the whinge but I thought after treament had finished that things would improve. I was so positive but now I feel quite lost. Normal or not? Take care lovely ladies and good luck with your journeys. Thinking of you as always, Love Alison xxxx

What you are feeling has been reported by many women. You need to tap into a group of supportive women to replace the team that was so important in your initial treatment. Which city are you In? (I get sick of typing this question, I'm going to add my city at the bottom of my posts in future so it is there. If you stop mid post to click on someone's profile to see you lose your post, boy is that annoying!) Have you tried the Cancer Council in your state for support groups or searched this site? Why not publish a social get-to-gether on this site and see if anyone is interested? Seaford Jenny started a group this way for the South Eastern suburbs of Melbourne. Regarding friends, some will stay with you, others will depart and some you will choose to avoid in the future, The diagnosis of breast cancer has changed you, you are no longer the same person as before. I bet you have found hidden strengths you didn't know you had and aren't at all interested in everything that you were before. I have found supportive friends in other BC women through sites like this, meeting in the chemo day unit and through groups involved in advocacy work. Only other women who have walked the walk know what you've been through and how to respond to you. With love Joy K (Melbourne)

Hi Alison, I can sympethise with you Al, I felt the same way & still do on & off.....It's amazing you can live in a big city & still feel all alone. I have lived here in Melbourne for nearly 8 years now and still have no friends let alone support groups for BC...I have aquaintances but none that I would consider a real friend. If I were over in Perth Ali I would certainly love to catch up with you as I think your a very admirably strong woman as most of us BC ladies are. I started at the mindfullness group every Friday for the past 6 weeks at the Royal Melbourne but I only went for 3 as I seemed to be an invisible person sitting amonst the other 7 ladies that were there... they spoke to each other & I did try to join in but it just didn't click, but I suppose you get that. I haven't seen 1 single friend of mine from my home town where all my friends are, since I was diagnosed....they sometimes txt or facebook me, but thats it....It's almost like they think it's contageous! hahaha :-) But I manage to get through it just as you will Al because we are strong! Oh & the hot flashes are like somebody has set fire to your inside body core yeah :-0 its terrible....but we shall overcome them don't you worry about that my friend. Anyway, Brightest Blessings coming your way with hugs, Susan xxxxx

Hi Al, sorry to hear your friends pulled out of a girls weekend away. It is hard to understand why this happens. I guess our breast cancer must scare our friends, and makes them all question their own mortality. Of course, that doesn't help us though. I have been very fortunate with most of my friends, but I realise that for many of us the people we thought we could rely on start to disappear. Thank goodness for sites like this, as we will always be here to support one another. My hospital in Sydney has a good breast cancer support group, as well as some exercise classes especially for breast surgery patients. I did attend the group for a year, but have now moved on. I love the exercise groups, and the support from them is amazing. We have all been through cancer, but for many it is years down the track. We all have coffee after the class, and can support each other in many ways. Cancer is not the main topic of conversation anymore, but is quite openly spoken about if someone has a question. This way we have the benefit of friendships where cancer isn't a taboo subject, where we all know how we are feeling. It is the best of both worlds. I'm sorry to hear about the bad nights and hot flushes. I am also experiencing this and it is the pits. Sometimes it feels like it takes hours to nod off, and each time I turn over it stimulates another hot flush, and so it is off with the blankets, cool down, and then a gradual return of the blankets, until I next move and another hot flush comes and we repeat the process again. Every once in a while, the hot flushes aren't so bad and I get a reasonable night sleep, and it is wonderful. I will take a Tamaze sleeping pill once every 3 to 5 nights just to get a good sleep. I am feeling good now, but do remember feeling very low in February this year, just after my breast reconstruction was completed, and chemo was 11 months behind me. It was a weird feeling, and I felt guilty that I felt this way, as I thought I should be back to 'normal' again and didn't feel it. We now have a new normal, and I have accepted this and am now feeling ok. Hope you will feel ok again soon as well. Take care. Love Chris xx

Feeling down...too many night sweats and hot flushes!

21 Replies

chemostyle
Member
14 years ago
Thx darling ... you are so sweet! Have a great Easter break!
Christine71
Member
14 years ago
Hi Alison

I finished all my treatment in January 2012 and found myself with what I call the "post treatment blues". It got so bad I thought I was suffering depression. A trip to the naturopath had me sorted though in only a matter of days ... it appears all the stress of diagnosis, surgery, chemo and radiation with all their various side effects had put my cortisol production into over-drive and supressed my production of adrenaline (which is needed if you wish to experience any joy or motivation). So if you are feeling down after treatment, perhaps give some thought to seeking some alternative therapies - it could be as simple as getting your body back into balance.

Christine xx
Al
Member
14 years ago
Thanks also for your comments! Such a great site to air our frustrations with this horrible disease.

Good luck with your journey also. Thinking of you and all the lovely pink ladies on this site.

Love Alison xxxx
Al
Member
14 years ago
Thankyou for your lovely comments. I beginning to get used to the new normal. Life will never be the same again. I know. This is such a wonderful site for venting feelings as everyone understands what you are going through. I hear what you say about the post traumatic stress. I really makes sense.

Take care as well and keep those blogs coming and lets continue to support eachother.

Love Alison
Al
Member
14 years ago
Lovely comments JO thankyou. I learnt not to read too much into things and let people be people. It still hurts though. I'm making new friends with this journey but I've also learnt to not trust like I used to.

Take care and thanks for the support. Great to know other are going through the same thing. That's what I love about this site. Great people!!

Love Alison xxx
Al
Member
14 years ago
Yes my hubby is my best friend too! That is our conehead photo! When I was going through chemo beofre my hair grew back he used to shave his head and say now who has the most hair! I need a new photo now, though!

Thanks for the thoughts and the poetry!

Alison xxx
chemostyle
Member
14 years ago
Friends ..

I too, was up and Sparkle during treatment .. must be a survival mode thing, only though of me and my body. 6 months post treatment, surrounding esp friends appear in my thought.... WHERE the F... are they or should I say WHERE the F... were they when I went through treatment. I got a big bunch of flowers when I give birth to my son even from oversea. I did not get a "how r you?" msg even via email/sms when I got sick. Cancer must be contigeous for some people, we happen to mirror the fear of mortality to these "dead leaves" ;), 3 year post treatment - have less friends, my friends that will be for life through illess & happiness. not just good times. Your feelings are normal, and google it ... you will be surprise.

Remembering my mentor said, "after CANCER treatment you will have less friends", very true for me. it is like after cancer, all the dead leave falls off my "friendship" tree, because I conciousely shake them off, and real one grows stronger, with new shoots springing ;) trying to be peotic - got the drift.

Having said that, it is not a bad idea to let these friends know your need in your relationship with them, and how it makes you feel. Then see where it will take you and how you heart feels.

Night sweats -

Have you try alternative medicine ..eg natural path or acupunture ??

xxxooo amy
hilsandglen
Member
14 years ago
Dear Alison , I know excactly how you feel ! I too thought that once I had finished my treatment I would start to feel better and more normal. But nothing is the same and I am trying to come to terms with my new normal ! My night sweats are worse and my joints ache all the time, I feel that I have been left with the body of an old woman, and sleep I think is something in my past.

I have started to see a phycologist who is helping a lot, and have started to take some mild antidepresants. I decided that I needed a little help and will not give myself greif about it. I must admit they are helping! My pyc tells me that sometimes after treatment you can suffer from a type of post traumatic stress, and I can well believe it . Always remember that you BC sisters are only an email away . I really hope that you ar feeling better. Love coming to you Hilary xxx
Al
Member
14 years ago
Thankyou so much for your lovely words of support. I would love to catch up with you someday in Melbourne. I have a brother that lives there. Rest of my family are in Tassie and husband's are in Sydney! Very spread out!

Good luck with your radiotherapy. Having finished it now feels like a distant memory but reality is now setting in hence the emotions and the loneliness.

You are doing an amazing job also. All these ladies on this site are truly inspirational. Let's keep supporting each other through the good and the bad.

Take care lovely lady and keep in touch,

Love Alison xxx
Al
Member
14 years ago
Lovely kind words, thankyou! I am feeling a little better than yesterday. One of my work colleagues gave me a beautiful card yesterday which made me cry! First tears I've had in months. Haven't cried at work before. I'm finding I'm more emotional now than at the beginning when I was having chemo etc. Now that everything is finished ( still on herceptin unitil Oct and tamoxifen) I'm becoming more emotional and reality has set in. This is the new me and the new normal! My life has changed forever.

Night sweats and hot flushes are getting more frequent. Is this normal? I haven't had very many until now but just over the last 2 days I've had night sweats keeping me up most of the night. GGRR! I'm putting it down to the Tamoxifen - my body getting used to it?

Take care and thanks again for you lovely words of support.

Love Alison xx